


Here's To New Beginnings

by Fangirling_FTW



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean, Dean in Denial, Destiel - Freeform, Dysfunctional Family, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Limited Smut, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Off-Screen Death (Minor Character), Teacher Castiel, destiel au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-03-25 20:28:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3823870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirling_FTW/pseuds/Fangirling_FTW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A stranger comes to town to run from his past.  A local boy has a habit of chasing people away.  When a chance meeting starts to change them, something amazing begins to happen.<br/>AU Fic with a LOT of fluff!<br/><br/>Leave comments please!  They make my day!! :D<br/>~*BETA READ AND UPDATED AS OF NOV 2015*~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> So my first AU fic. Nothing too fancy, just an idea I had running through my head. Short and sweet, and a bit on the fluffy side ;) Leave comments and kudos if you enjoy! Thanks for reading!!
> 
> COMMENTS ARE MY DRUG! FEED MY ADDICTION XD
> 
> ~*BETA READ AND UPDATED AS OF NOV 2015*~  
> I added at least 1500 words or so to each chapter. Been meaning to go through and change some things for a while, finally got around to it XD Enjoy the changes, and if this is your first time reading, thank you so much and enjoy!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, this is a simple fluff filled little ficlet, not too much angst or feels, though its Destiel, so there are SOME ;)
> 
> Leave me some comments, I love hearing from you all!
> 
> Beta read, and updated, added about 1,000 words!! Enjoy!

This was the life, and no one could tell Dean otherwise.

Dean had just become a full partner in the junkyard his uncle Bobby owned, the paperwork had gone through that morning. xTo celebrate he was at the local bar, the Roadhouse with his three best friends, his brother, his brother's hot fiancé Jess (sorry not sorry), and the closest thing to parents he had known.  Dean felt himself beaming from ear to ear.

"Here's to the biggest pain in my ass." Bobby toasted.  The scruffy old man had seen better days, but underneath his gruff exterior he had one of the biggest hearts Dean had ever known.  Bobby wasn't blood related, but it didn't make him any less family to Dean.  His mom had died when his brother Sam was just a baby, and his dad had never been the same.  He would take off on drunken benders, leaving him and his brother with Bobby.  He would be gone longer and longer until one day, he hadn't come back.  Bobby took Sam and him in without hesitation, without question, bringing them up as best as he could.

"Cheers to that!" Ellen added, lifting her beer and heading to the bar to work.  She owned the Roadhouse, and had been married to Bobby for almost 5 years now.  She had instantly become Dean's surrogate mother, in spite of him being nearly 30.  Her daughter from her first marriage, Jo, who worked the bar with her mom, had become Dean's baby sister, and proved it at that moment by nudging Dean so hard he almost spilled his drink.

"You gonna be able to afford to buy me dinner now, hot shot?" she teased.

"I'm buying drinks tonight, that close enough?"  She laughed, a beautiful happy sound and headed back to the bar to serve the other customers.  Someone had to work he supposed.

"If you say so," she called over her shoulder.

"Someone still owes me a date, I call dibs," Charlie said.  Dean rolled his eyes at his geek friend, done up in a Lord of the Rings shirt and everything.  She was your typical nerd, and probably the only person in town who knew their way around a computer.  She was also Dean's confidant, best friend, and partner in crime.  They had developed a reputation for pranks, and whenever the two of them whispered together, Sam got nervous.

"Since when is Dean your type?" his brother Sam asked, raising an eyebrow at her over his beer.

"Oh, don't be silly Sam!  Put enough makeup on him and he looks enough like a woman for me!"  Dean tossed an ice cube at Charlie but she slid from her stool, dodging it effortlessly. Charlie walked over and kissed Dean on the cheek.  "Speaking of girlfriends, Gilda's holding dinner for me, I better get home."  

“But we just got here!” Dean sighed indignantly.  She shrugged apologetically.

“Sorry, she’s got an early shift tomorrow.  We’ll catch up later, I promise.”  She waved them her nerd salute, as Dean called it (LLAP) and walked out the door.

"I'm gonna head out too, ya'll," Benny said, slipping from his own bar stool.  The old Louisiana native had worked at the yard for a few years now, and he and Dean had become good friends, hunting on weekends, talking cars at work.  Dean adopted an offended look.

"Dude," Dean said, opening his arms. "You guys are all killing me!  I thought we were celebrating?!  Night's not even half over."  Benny laughed.

" _You're_ celebrating, so I gotta open the yard for your punk ass tomorrow," he said in his Cajun drawl, slapping Dean on the back and shaking hands with Sam on his way out.  So it left Dean, Sam, Jess, and Bobby at their high top, toasting to Dean's good fortune.  It had been a long time since Dean had been this happy, and he soaked in every moment.

‘“Look at you, all respectable,” Sam said with a smile.  “We might make an adult out of you yet.”

“I wouldn’t count on it, I’m probably going to be picking up his slack for the next few years,” Bobby groused.  Sam laughed and Dean raised an eyebrow at Bobby.

“You sure, old man?  You’re getting up there in the mileage,” he said casually.  Bobby smacked him in the back of the head with his trucker hat.

“I saw that Bobby Singer!” Ellen called from the bar.

“I’m sure he deserved it,” Jo added, bringing another round to the table.

“Oh, he did,” Jess laughed, taking her water from Jo.  Sam raised his new beer to his brother.

“All kidding aside, congrats Dean, for finding your place in the world, I’m proud of you,” he said seriously.  Dean pretended to tear up.

“Aw, Sammy, that was beautiful,” he mocked his little brother.  Sam threw a fistful of peanuts at him.

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

A few hours and a few too many beers later, even Dean was starting to get tipsy, and agreed it was time to go.  He stood out in the parking lot with Bobby after saying goodbye to Sam and Jess.

"Try not to upchuck before getting home," Jess teased, kissing him on the cheek, and taking Sam's car keys.  Dean winked at her and Sam rolled his eyes.  Dean actually liked her, unlike some of Sam's girls he brought home.  This time Sam seemed pretty serious, and Dean was happy for him.  He was about to finish college and get the white picket fence he deserved, and Dean had supported him through the whole thing, sacrificing his own happiness and comfort just to make sure Sam could get there.  His whole life, his brother had come first, so in a weird way, it also left Dean feeling almost totally alone for the first time.  For as long as he could remember he had been taking care of Sam.  Now that was Jess' job, and he had no one to worry about.  Dean wasn't really good at taking care of himself, to be honest, so it left him in a bit of a dilemma.  

Man he got touchy feely when he got drunk on beer and not whiskey.  He shook the thoughts out of his head, letting Bobby lead him back to his apartment, just across from the junkyard.  He managed to get Dean up the stairs without incident and to his front door.

"Congratulations.  Not bad for an idjit," he said, giving Dean a hug.

"Wouldn't have made it without you Bobby," he said, clapping his surrogate father on the back.  Bobby coughed and gave Dean a curt nod, turning back to the stairs as Dean unlocked his door and stumbled into his apartment, kicking off his shoes in the entryway.  He was sober enough to remember to brush his teeth, but before undressing he flopped into bed and passed out, a silly grin on his face.

 

So it was that a hung over Dean Winchester, in rumpled clothes and with horrible bed head, groggily wandered out to check his mail the next morning, squinting at the sun.  He turned the corner to the hallway running one floor below his, and when he stepped into the mailbox alcove, he stumbled head first into someone.

"Sorry," he mumbled, grabbing a handful of trench coat before the man toppled backwards over his luggage.  Dean noticed a suit underneath the coat that had seen better days, but the muscles under his hands were firm, and to be honest the man was the one mostly keeping him upright.  "Had a bit of a long night," Dean murmured, turning his gaze upward and focusing on the man's face.

_Holy crap, those eyes were blue._

"Hello," the stranger said, untangling himself from Dean, running a hand through his mussed hair like it would help.  His voice sounded gritty, like it hadn’t been used very much.   _Holy crap, indeed_.  "Do you, uh, know where Apartment 112 is?" he asked slowly, squinting at Dean oddly.  Dean pointed down the hallway to the right of the mailbox, trying to blink away the fuzzy affect the booze was still having on his head.

"Down at the end of the hallway.  Dean, by the way," he added, offering a hand.  He must have looked like crap because the guy hesitated before shaking his hand.

"Castiel," he said.  Dean blinked.

"Castiel? Sounds so...old."  The guy tilted his head and Dean paused, backpedaling, trying to shake the alcohol clear of his head again.  "Sorry, I'm rude when I'm hungover."  What had possessed him to check his mail?  He wasn’t in any kind of shape to be awake, much less out in public.  The guy nodded, an even look on his face, not seeming to care too much.  "You're new in town, never seen you before," Dean continued babbling. _Just go home, Winchester._

"Yes, I've just moved here," he gestured at the suitcase behind his feet.  

"Well, welcome home," Dean said dramatically as he spread his arms and gave him a goofy smile, but Castiel just tilted his head again.

"Thank you, Dean.”  He grabbed his bags and started walking towards the hallway Dean had pointed him down.

"I'm right above you, 212, if you want a tour around, you know, when I'm sober."  Castiel turned and gave him a look that Dean would almost call a smile.

"212.  See you, Dean."

Dean grabbed his mail and stumbled back to his apartment, falling into bed without a second thought.  After passing out again for another couple hours, he woke sober enough to make himself some coffee and regret some of the beer.

Then he thought of the mysterious stranger with the blue eyes, and felt his face flush.  He'd made worse first impressions, yet the more he thought about this one, the more it bothered him.  He wondered why, even through his drunken stupor, this man had managed to make such an impression on him in so brief a meeting.  He had the air of someone used to a hard life, and it somehow made Dean feel sad that someone so young, and attractive if he was honest with himself, could look so worn down.  Granted, when he looked at _himself_ in the mirror, he could see the same sadness, the same struggle written in his own features.  He shook off the feeling, making himself something to eat and downing some more coffee, blue eyes still lingering in the back of his mind.

Once he was sober, showered, and shaved he headed back to the Roadhouse.  It was a small town, so there weren't many other places to go, and Dean enjoyed the ambiance.

"Back for more?" Charlie asked from the bar where she sat on her laptop doing God knows what nerdy thing she was into at the time.  Dean slipped into his usual bar stool next to hers and waved at Jo.  Jo rolled her eyes at him, gesturing it would be a minute.  There was a game on, the usual crowd had shuffled in a few hours early and Jo was still by herself.  

"Bored, not used to days off."  He took a deep breath, blue eyes flashing through his mind again.  "I'm glad you're here, actually.  I think I traumatized my new neighbor."  Charlie was the one person he could tell everything, more than Sam, more than Bobby.  She never judged him, she just listened, and often gave really good advice, in her own nerdy way.  She also never lost an opportunity to take the mickey out of him when he did something stupid.  She seemed to sense this was one of those times, so she shut down her computer, turning her full attention to Dean.  

“Well, spill, don’t leave a girl hanging!” she said eagerly.  He told her of his hungover exploits at the mailbox, holding back no detail... except the heart palpitations he had the moment he met the guys eyes.  That was a bit too much touchy-feely sharing, even for Charlie.

“I mean, I think I freaked him out.  I can only imagine how much of a mess I was.”

"Oh, my Dean.  Ten points for finesse."  She was giggling like a schoolgirl, and Dean tossed a lime slice at her.  "So tell me," she said, catching it with ease and tossing it back.  "On a scale of dull to hottie..." Dean blushed, then blushed again for blushing.  "I knew it!" Charlie fistpumped gleefully.  "You wouldn't be so flustered if he wasn't attractive."

"Yeah, well, keep it to yourself," Dean mumbled quietly.  Charlie was the only person who knew he was bi.  He had only ever been in relationships with women, receiving a few messy blow jobs hardly counted as relationships, so it wasn't a hard secret to keep.  His father had made no secret how he felt about that lifestyle, so it was still hard for Dean to come to terms with, even though he hadn't seen his father in years.  He probably, if he had things his way, would never have admitted it to anyone.  After a rough day at work, Dean had driven out of town with Charlie to blow off steam, and after enough drinks, he may have accidentally come out to her.  And by accidently came out he made out with a guy in front of her.  Being Charlie, she was there for him, and being gay herself she understood him, but it was still a secret Dean had her keep.

"Oh, Dean, what am I going to do with you..." she sighed.

Still blushing, lost in thought, Dean looked up as the door opened, and froze.  It was the man from that morning, Castiel, still in the suit with the trench coat tossed over his arm.  Charlie noticed Dean's face and turned, then turned back to Dean, eyes wide.

"That's him?  Almost makes me wish I was straight," she sighed, batting her eyes at Dean. He gave her his best 'shut up' face and slid from his stool, trying not to seem too awkward as he walked up to him.  Castiel saw him coming and from the look on his face Dean half expected him to turn and walk away.

"Hey, I just wanted to apologize for this morning.  I had a bit of a celebration the night before, guess I went a bit overboard."  Dean offered his hand again and after a moment Castiel shook it, nodding.

"It's okay, Dean.  No harm done."  He started towards the bar and Dean followed.  "What were you celebrating?" he asked.

"You know the junk yard across from our apartments?  I just became a full partner.  My uncle owns the place."  Castiel gave him a small smile, and Dean’s stomach twisted in a little knot.

"Well, congratulations."  Dean slipped back onto his stool, trying not to blush.

"I suppose you came in here for a drink?  Let me get the first round," he said, gesturing at the stool next to him.  Castiel sat down, putting his coat on the bar.

"Hi, I'm Charlie," Charlie stuck a hand out in front of Dean's face as Cast- forget it he was calling him Cas- sat down.

"Castiel," he said, shaking her offered hand as Dean glared at her.  Jo came over, took their drink orders, confirming she was just ignoring Dean earlier, and buzzed away again.

"Castiel? Like the angel of Thursday?" Charlie said, smiling at Cas.  Dean just blinked at her.

"Dude, is there any nerdy crap you don't know?" he asked.  She shrugged, innocently.

"Yes, that's correct.  I had a very...religious father.  My brothers are also named for angels."

"Really?!" Charlie asked, getting into her fangirl mode.  Dean sighed and wished he had ordered more than a soda.

"Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel," Cas paused and a shadow passed over his face, and like the tired look he had at the mailbox, Dean also recognized the look on his face now.  The look that said there was some bad blood between Cas and his brothers.  Charlie was in full geek mode so she glossed right over Cas' change in mood.

"Dude, hardcore!  Like the Arch-angels!!  I can-"

"Talk an ear off of anyone," Dean interrupted, grabbing her shoulders and steering her away from the bar, handing her computer to her.  "Give the guy a break, he just got into town after all."  She raised an eyebrow at Dean, who shook his head.

"It's okay," Cas said.  "It's nice to not be teased once in awhile."  Charlie stuck her tongue out at Dean but packed up her things regardless.

"I have a job to get to anyway.  Here," she grabbed a pen out of her bag and jotted her number down on a napkin, handing it to Cas.  "I'm the best IT girl in town, let me know if you need anything."  She kissed Dean's cheek, winking at him while Cas couldn't see her face.  He set his jaw, giving her a warning look.  "Peace out, bitches!" she called, making her grand exit the way she always did.  Dean smiled at the shell shocked look on Cas' face.

"Don't worry, you get used to it," Dean said.  Cas looked from Dean to the number a few times.

"I don't understand. Are you two...?"  Dean laughed, pulling a small smile from the corner of Cas' mouth.

"No.  Men aren't exactly her type, if you know what I mean," he said, pointing between the two of them.  "She's just a really good friend."  Cas nodded, pocketing the napkin. They sat there in silence for a while.

"I got a brother, I know how they can be," he said after a moment, hoping he wasn't stepping over the boundaries of 'I just met you' conversation.  Cas focused on his beer for a bit.

"It's part of the reason I moved," he said quietly.  "Thought I'd try and make a new life for myself.  Out from under their shadow."

"You're the youngest?" he asked.  Cas nodded.

"I got a younger brother, real pain in my ass."  He thought about Jess, about Sam's soon to be wife.  "He's about to get married, though, so he'll be in someone else's hair from now on."  Dean lifted his glass, raising it up to Cas in a toast.  "Here's to brothers."

"Here's to new beginnings." Cas lifted his to Deans, half smiling.  Dean full on grinned back.

"To new beginnings."


	2. Dean's Good At Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beta read and updated!! Added a good 1500 words to this chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy the changes!

Three weeks passed quickly as Dean got busy with his new responsibilities at the yard.  Bobby had shown him most everything about running the yard already, but Sam was giving Dean some lessons in accounting and finances, now that he would be handling the ledgers and inventory.  Though it was helping Dean tremendously, who hadn't even finished high school, Dean hated every moment of it, reminded regularly how much he never really enjoyed school in the first place.  Lingering in the back of his mind he knew Sam just liked showing off how smart he was, but he accepted the help anyway, figuring he would need it.  Between all the grown up responsibility lessons, he didn't have much time to himself where he wasn't sleeping off the information being shoved into his head.  He did manage to catch and hour or two to himself everyday, and he cherished those precious hours.  Bobby had just left for home and Benny was in the office, so Dean eagerly made his way out to the yard.

"Hey, Baby, we've finally got some time to ourselves," he cooed to his most prized possession.  It was a 1967 Chevy Impala he had been working on for as long as he could remember.  Dean learned everything he knew about cars from taking her apart and putting her back together, top to bottom, over and over till he could do it in his sleep.  She was near perfect, but Dean always found something that needed tinkering, and today it was the glove box. The latch had gotten bent to hell when Sam 'accidentally' kicked it on one of their road trips.  He was laying across the front seat, feet hanging out the driver side door, working on prying the busted metal from the latch, when he heard a voice from outside the car.

"I'm sorry for interrupting..." Dean knew that gravelly voice.  He looked down and out the driver side door to see Cas standing there, looking uncomfortable, and almost nervous.  Dean hadn't had much opportunity to talk to him over the past few weeks, but every now and again they would run into each other at the mailbox and exchange a bit of small talk.  It was something Dean was really starting to look forward to, and it confused him.  He had almost gotten to where he would wait at the mailbox after collecting his mail, lingering as he pretended to read, waiting for Cas to show.  When Cas would turn the corner, keys jingling to check his own mail Dean could feel the smile light up his face.  He told himself it was nothing, just that he enjoyed chatting with Cas, but a nagging sensation in the back of his mind kept telling him otherwise.

"Hey, Cas, what's up?" he asked, pushing those thoughts aside as he continued to work on the glove box.  Cas had gotten used to his nickname at that point.  He had objected the first time Dean used it, but Dean reasoned with him that if he was gonna have a new start, he needed a new name, and now Dean though he enjoyed the nickname.  He finally succeeded in popping the latch open with a grunt, pulling himself up into a sitting position.  This was the first time Dean had seen Cas at the junkyard, and suddenly Dean became aware of just how messy he was, wearing old blue coveralls and covered head to toe in engine grease and dirt.  He wiped absently at some sweat dripping down his forehead, pulling his work gloves off and unzipping the overalls to his waist, shrugging out of the dirty material down to his tee shirt.  Cas watched him oddly as he tied the sleeves around his waist to keep them from falling when he stood, and Dean felt a small blush creep up his cheeks.  He wanted Cas to keep looking at him like that, but the man’s face went back to it’s usual disinterested mask after a moment or two.

"I was wondering about a car.  I've got a job at the college across town, and the buses aren't always reliable.  I don't have too much in the way of money..." Dean scooted out of the car with practiced ease, which apparently surprised Cas because he didn't move back until Dean was standing right in front of him.  He beat a hasty retreat from Dean, looking more uncomfortable than he should have.  Dean cleared his throat, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach.   _Working, you’re working Dean._

"Well, pick one," Dean spread his arms across the lot, hitching a smile on his face.  "I can get any one of these up and running, with some time of course."  Cas' eyes drifted over the Impala, and Dean stepped into his line of sight.  "Except her, she's my Baby," Dean said, leaning back on her.  Cas smiled.

"She's very impressive," he said, bringing all of Dean's pride out into a beaming smile.  He placed a loving hand on Baby.

"Been working on her forever.  Ever since my dad-" he cut himself off with a cough, "well, about your car?" he said, blushing at the awkward change in subject.  Cas opened his mouth like he was going to say something but stopped.  After a few heartbeats he finally got something out.

"I was thinking something larger, I have a lot of books I tend to travel with."  Dean looked around the lot and found the car he was looking for.  He motioned for Cas to follow him, adjusting the coveralls so they wouldn’t slide down his hips as he walked.

"Lincoln Continental.  Not too large, but big enough I think," he walked Cas around the car, watching him as he looked it over, checking the backseat and trunk for space.  Dean took that brief distraction to just admire the man in front of him.  He was still in a casual suit, but his tie was partially undone, and his hair was still a ruffled mess, his blue eyes scanning the car almost too intensely.  Dean regretted looking him over almost instantly, because now his brain wouldn’t stop  picturing himself pushing Cas into the car and leaning into him, lips and hands exploring the body under that suit...  He swallowed hard and shook his head to clear it.

"This will do nicely," Cas said, breaking into Dean's thoughts.  Dean nodded, grateful for the excuse to get back to work related thoughts.

"It's still in pretty good shape, and I have a lot of parts here around the yard so it shouldn't take too long to get her up and running.  Let me ring Bobby and we'll figure out a timetable.  Give us a call when you have a budget figured out, we'll write up a contract."  He handed Cas a business card, impulsively writing his personal cell number on the back.  Cas took the card, his fingers brushing Dean's briefly, causing a spark to run from his hand directly into his chest.

"Thank you," he said, turning and leaving without another word.  Dean watched him go, wondering at the tingle where their fingers had touched.  He barely knew the guy, but there were butterflies in his stomach.  The last time this happened... His eyes widened and a sudden fear gripped him.  No, he wasn’t going through that again.  He ran into the office, stripping out of his coveralls and grabbing his jacket, shouting to Benny he was heading home.  He ran out the door, dialing Charlie as he walked.

"Hey dude," she answered

"Are you home?!" He gasped.

"Uh.. Yeah... Dean what happened?!"

"I'll tell you when I get there," he said, hanging up and jumping in Baby, driving full tilt across town to Charlie's apartment.  He parked and started taking the stairs to the third floor two at a time.  He passed Gilda, Charlie's girlfriend, on the way up the stairs, nearly bowling her over as he climbed.  Charlie must have warned her Dean was coming in a panic, and she was headed out.  It wasn't that he and Gilda weren't friends, totally the opposite, but when he had an emergency, it was usually of the 'secret' nature, and Gilda would usually find something to do to give Dean his privacy.  Dean had a pretty good idea Charlie turned around and told Gilda the moment Dean was gone, but Gilda was perfectly content playing innocent, and Dean was grateful.

"Call me when you're done gossiping," she sighed as she walked by.  Dean finished the stairs and burst into the apartment.

"Charlie, I'm starting to freak out."  She was already holding out a shot of whiskey.

"Figured as much.  Also from the tone of your voice figured it would be a hard liquor kind of problem."  Dean downed the shot, hissing as the liquid burned its way down his throat.

"It's starting to happen again," he sighed, the booze oddly having a calming affect.  She tilted her head at him, frowning slightly as she poured another shot.

"What's happening again?"

"I'm...Charlie I'm starting to feel- to want to, uh,... well, Cas came by the yard and..."  He had never been great at making words work, but Charlie was good at translating his thoughts into coherent words.

"Oh, Dean...Castiel?!"  She knew Dean so well, he didn't know what he would have done if she hadn't.  He wasn't sure he would have been able to finish that sentence.  "You've got the flutters in your chest, huh?  Crushin' on the new guy?"  Her mischievous smile was bringing a deeper flush to his cheeks than what was already there.

"I don't know, I just can't get him out of my head.  I've been meeting him at the mailbox, not planned out, just happenstance... we talk and..." he sighed.  He knew he was being ridiculous, but that was why they called it an ‘irrational’ fear, he couldn’t stop it.

"You don't wanna go down that road again," Charlie finished for him.  Dean ran his hands through his hair.

"What I did to Lisa, it was bad, Charlie..."  He closed his eyes, remembering the look on her face when he had walked out of her life.  That had been his third serious relationship.  He and Lisa had been together for a year, and one morning he just woke up and ended things, cold turkey.  He had hardly been nice about it either, just told her it was over and left.  It wasn't just Lisa, every time he got close to someone, he would hit this wall inside himself and whatever he was feeling would just die, and the breakups were always messy afterwards.  There was something wrong inside him, and he hated seeing other people get hurt because of it.  "I can't do this, Charlie, not again.  I told myself no more after Lisa.  Every time I'm with someone, I ruin things, or I ruin them.  It’s not fair."  Charlie placed a hand on his shoulder, speaking soft and calmly.

"Easy, Dean, deep breaths.  Is Cas even into guys?  I mean, you might be getting worked up over nothing," she pointed out.  Dean took another shot and thought about that, about the almost hungry look Cas gave Dean while he shrugged out of the coveralls on the seat of his car... He blushed and shuddered, feeling Cas' eyes on him again.

"Oh, I think he's into guys," Dean sighed.  "He gave me a good once over while I was in my car-"

"I'm assuming working, at least I'm hoping," Charlie said.  Dean rubbed at his eyes, willing the panic to go away.  Why did he do this to himself?  He would give in to the new relationship excitement, then cold as ice leave them after, and every time the guilt almost eats him alive.

"You've got to stop me, Charlie,” he sighed, taking another shot after she poured.  She looked at him thoughtfully.

"You've never been with a guy yet, right?" she asked.  He nodded, wondering where she was going with that train of thought.

"Well, maybe he'll be different."  She smiled warmly but Dean just blinked at her, starting to frown.  That was the exact opposite of what Dean wanted to hear from her.

"Really? With my track record?  I'm asking you to stop me, for the first time, before I hurt anybody, and you're making a case?!?  How is this helpful?"  She raised her hands defensively.

"I'm just saying, you've never been with a guy.  And maybe it's because you're trying to stop it this time, instead of diving right in, that makes me root for your chances."  Dean set his glass down, shaking his head, feeling the flush running up his cheeks.  No, she was wrong, she had to be wrong.  There was no point in even entertaining the idea.

"This isn't helping."  He stood, grabbing his coat, stomping towards the door.  He knew she meant well, but a tiny hint of betrayal at Charlie's actions crept into Dean's heart.

"Dean!!" Charlie called after him but he ignored her, stomping out to his car and driving home, trying to think of anything but Cas' eyes raking over his body, about wanting Cas to look at him like that again…

He pulled into his apartment, still lost in his head, and as he walked towards the staircase the best and worst possible thing happened.

"Hello, Dean," Cas said from the hallway.  Dean stopped, taking a deep breath to gather his thoughts.

"Hey Cas," he said automatically, turning and putting on a smile.

"I had some budget information for you..."  He stepped forward, handing Dean a slip of paper, their fingers brushing again.  Dean tried to ignore the touch and the jolt it sent through his system, and instead he focused on just breathing.  "I was hoping a payment plan would be sufficient, at least until I get comfortable at the college."  Cas seemed to be fidgeting slightly, and Dean wondered if he could see Dean’s own discomfort.

"Thanks," Dean said, looking up and meeting Cas' gaze.  "I'll look it over and let you know."  He had to swallow his heart back down into his chest as those blue eyes bored into his own, and for a moment neither of them moved.  Dean didn't even breathe.

"Good night," Cas said after a while, turning his back and moving towards his apartment.  Was Dean imagining the disappointment in his voice?  Or was it discomfort at the awkward stare?  Dean shook his head and made his way upstairs, leaning on his door after shutting it behind him. What was he doing?!  Was it really so hard to get that man out of his head?  And was he imagining that Cas had been waiting for him to show up?  He made his way out to the kitchen to make himself something to eat.  It was going to be a long, sleepless night tonight.

 

Over the next two weeks Dean met with Cas way more than he was planning on, and he found himself torn between wanting it and hating it.  This was his first big restoration since becoming partner and Bobby had said some crap about 'taking ownership' before taking off with Ellen on a conveniently planned fishing trip.

"Just try not to burn the place down," he had said, hopping into his truck and taking off, leaving Dean standing in the office with Cas' information in his hand.  So since Bobby was gone, Dean was stuck meeting Cas about his car.  His brain screamed at him about it, screamed to just run away and let Bobby handle it when he got back.  Tell Cas it would be longer than expected, and maybe offer a discount for the delay.  However, deep down, there was a tiny part of him that looked forward to each of their meetings excitedly.

He wanted to say it was all business, the meetings, but he found a that same small voice in the back of his mind that got excited about seeing Cas thinking the word "dates".  Yes, they met over a meal, and yes sometimes they didn't just talk about the car, but it was still business.  They met to discuss payment terms, for Dean to explain cost of goods, to figure out what type of replacements Castiel wanted.  The fact that they made small talk about themselves was incidental, and there was no way Dean was desperate for more.  No way he enjoyed the way Cas would just stare into his eyes, like he was amazed at Dean's knowledge of cars, or how his gaze would linger longer than it should, sending chills up Dean's spine.

Then one night, without even meaning to, Dean made the first move.

It was their sixth meeting, not that Dean was counting.

"Well, that's that," Dean said, smiling and shaking Cas' hand.  They had just finalized the contract on the car over lunch at a local diner and Cas was very proud of himself.

"Thank you, Dean." He was grinning foolishly, and Dean couldn't stop thinking about how cute it was.  Dean paid the bill to give himself something to do with his hands.

"I'll head back to the shop and write this up properly, then I'll swing by your place tonight for signatures and beers," Dean said, smiling broadly.

"My place," Cas said, smiling and shaking Dean's hand one more time.  It wasn't until after Cas had walked away grinning that Dean realized what he'd done.  He'd been picking very public places to meet on purpose, avoiding either of their homes, trying to keep a handle on this crush before it became a problem.  Now, in his excitement he had broken his rule, they were going to meet at Cas' apartment.

Charlie was beside herself when he called to complain.  He had forgiven her for that night at her place, because he needed her to talk to before he exploded.  She had been whining at him for two weeks, every time he told her he was meeting Cas, about how obvious the two of them were and how they needed to just get it over with.  Dean wanted to hate her, but at the same time he loved her for her support, he was sure he would have gone crazy without her to talk to.

"Not helping," Dean muttered after yet another attempt to convince him dating Castiel would be worth it.

"You gotta at least consider it Dean, he's gorgeous isn't he?  And I vaguely remember you being so impressed with how smart he was, and how you adore his humor..."

"What part of no..."

"I mean, have you seen the way he undresses you with his eyes?!?"  Dean felt a flush run up his cheeks.  Every time he thought he saw something, saw Cas showing affection or interest in Dean, he just told himself he was imagining it.  It was easier that way, easier to keep his distance, and keep from being pulled in.  Of course that didn't stop Charlie from throwing it in his face when he would call her about it later.

"Enough Charlie," Dean exhaled into the phone.  He had just finished typing up the contract and was waiting on the printer. "You know my track record. He just got the teaching job, I'm not chasing him out of town like I did Lisa."  Charlie huffed, in a very exaggerated way.

"I say when you get there just push him up against the wall and get it over with," she sighed, and hung up the phone before Dean could say anything.  Dean blushed even though no one could see. The saddest part was, he had thought about that almost every day.  Everything he learned about Cas, every conversation they shared, he was getting to know Cas, and the crush he was desperately trying to avoid was growing, no matter how hard he tried.  Not to mention he found himself more often than not stealing glances at his lips, admiring the breadth of his shoulders through his button downs, wondering what he’d feel like under Dean’s hands.  He felt a shame cloud his good mood and made ready to make a fool of himself at Cas' place that night


	3. Ice Breakers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beta read and updated! Didn't change quite as much in this chapter, mostly sentence structure and minor details.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor fight involving Cas, nothing too serious. His brothers are jerks.

After eating a quick dinner in his apartment, Dean found himself standing in his bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror, trying to convince himself he wasn't making sure he looked good for Cas.  He had pulled on his nicest jeans, found a shirt not too stained or worn looking, and had even attempted to do his hair, feeling oddly like a teenage girl.  He was just going to have him sign a piece of paper, nothing to get worked up about, right?  It wasn’t _really_ a date.  He walked out into his kitchen slowly, taking deep breaths.  His heart was beating faster than it should be, his stomach was tying up in knots, and he couldn’t figure out _why_ he was so nervous about this.  Just walk up, have him sign the paper, and walk home.  He set his jaw and grabbed the contract, shoving it in his pocket.  Reaching for his doorknob, he heard shouts from below him, from Cas' apartment.   He paused, trying to listen but unable to understand the words.  After a moment those shouts escalated and turned into thumps and crashes.  Dean didn't hesitate, didn't even think, just burst through the door of his apartment and ran down the stairs as fast as he could.

"You are NOT my brother," a guy was shouting as Dean burst through Cas' open door. The man had Cas by the collar of his shirt, Cas' face already bleeding from a cut below his eye, and the man’s fist was raised to deliver another blow.  Without hesitation, Dean ran in and jumped on the guy, putting his whole weight on the raised arm.  Working with cars made him stronger than he looked, and he managed to bring the guy around to face him.  As the man turned, he dropped Cas into a heap, considering Dean icily, and Dean finally started to regret his 'act first' approach.  Especially when Dean noticed the other two guys in the room.

"Who are you?" the guy who was beating on Cas asked with a sneer.  He was about the same size as Dean, but carried himself taller, like the rest of the world was beneath him.  The second guy seemed a near mirror image of the one in front of Dean, the same attitude in his shoulders, just slightly smaller.  The third was the shortest, longer hair and softer features, and he seemed uncomfortable with what was happening.  It wasn't much but Dean hoped he could at least not worry about man number three if it came to blows.

"I'm Dean, and I'd appreciate it if you guys left now," he snapped, trying to put some venom in his voice, but he knew he was beaten if it came to a fight and so did they.  The threat rang hollow in the room.

"You've made your point, Michael," the smaller man said, walking between the big guy and Cas, who was moaning softly on the floor.  Dean clenched his jaw at the sight, anger starting to make him reckless again.

"Gabriel, always taking poor Cassie's side," the second guy sneered.

"I don't know, he's making sense to me," Dean snapped, crossing his arms.  The second guy made for Dean but the first guy, Michael, waved his hand.

"It's ok, Raphael, let's go."  Michael aimed a kick in Cas' direction, Cas blocking it weakly. "I never want to see you again," he sneered, storming out with Raphael on his heels.  Gabriel looked down at Cas, like he wanted to reach for him but wasn't sure if he should.

"Just go, Gabe," Cas whimpered.  Gabriel gave Dean a small nod and left on the heels of his brothers.  He recognized the names Cas had told him in the bar that first day, who would forget such strange names like that?  Which made these three his brothers, though by their actions Dean wouldn't call them that.  He stooped down in front of Cas, not sure what to do. Michael must have landed a few punches before Dean showed up, the bruises on his face were already starting to swell up.  Also, judging by the trashed state of Cas' living room, Michael had vented some of his anger on Cas' belongings.  He felt his heart hurting for Cas, the hot anger that had burned in his chest still smoldering.

"Cas... What do you need?" Dean asked softly.  Cas refused to look at him, keeping his eyes focused on the floor.  Dean half expected to be told to leave, but after a few minutes of Dean just kneeling in front of him, Cas just reached out a shaking hand to him, nearly breaking Dean's heart.  Dean took it and helped him up, and since there was trash all over the couch he walked him into the dining room, lowering him into a chair.  

“Thanks,” Cas mumbled.  Dean waved his thanks away as he busied himself in Cas' kitchen, grabbing him paper towels and ice for his face.  Their apartments were identical, and Dean almost smiled at the fact the small island counter in the center of the kitchen was where they both kept their paper towels.  He walked to the sink and wet one of the towels slightly, walking back to sit in the chair next to Cas.  He turned him to face him and gently started wiping away the blood on Cas' face.

"Not too bad," he reassured Cas.  He bagged up some ice and wrapped it in a towel, gently placing it against Cas' face.

"Thank you," Cas said gloomily, wincing as he reached up to hold the towel in place. "I'm sorry you had to see that."  Dean almost couldn't hear him, and he still refused to meet Dean's gaze.

"No problem," Dean said.  Cas still hadn't asked him to leave, so he checked under the sink for trash bags, and found them just like he figured he would.  He started cleaning up Cas' living room, not caring if it was weird, not caring that until then they really hadn't even been 'friends'.  Dean knew that as long as Cas didn't ask him to go, there was no way he was leaving Cas alone right now.  After tidying up as best as he could, not knowing what Cas would want to keep or toss, Dean headed back into the kitchen to check on him.  Cas was sitting in the same place at the table, but he at least looked up at Dean as he walked in.

"You didn't have to do that," he said matter of factly, gesturing at the trash bag.  Dean shrugged, placing it on the floor and walking towards the table.

"I needed to keep busy.  Adrenaline still pumping I guess."  He sat across from Cas, watching him wince as he adjusted the ice on his face.  “Want to talk about it?” he asked quietly, watching and waiting to see if he would say anything.  He looked up at Dean, and those blue eyes finally met his.  Dean felt his heart skip a beat.

"My brothers haven't been very kind since my father's death," he said softly.  Okay, he was diving right into the personal stuff then.  "I was always kind of coddled, being the youngest. Michael got jealous, and convinced Raphael that they should make my life a living hell.  My dad usually came to my rescue though, but he died a few years back..." Cas' hand started shaking, so Dean reached out and grabbed it on instinct.  In that moment, they crossed the line into friendship, the grateful look in his eyes making Dean smile softly.

"Hey, I got daddy issues like you wouldn't believe," he said warmly, trying to give him some comfort, “but it's no excuse to treat family like shit.  Period."  Cas' face softened, and his eyes started to fill with tears.

"That's very kind of you, Dean. I just..." his voice cracked.  Dean walked around the table and pulled Cas into a hug, not stopping to think about the 800 reasons and excuses he had not too.  Dean pulled Cas tighter into his chest, gently squeezing him as his shoulders started to shake.  Cas put the ice down on the table and his arms snaked around Dean, his body leaning closer to Dean’s and his fingers clinging to the back of Dean's shirt tightly.

"Let it out." Dean breathed as Cas sobbed into Dean's shoulder.  Dean understood how badly Cas needed someone right now, and Dean was all he had.  Old memories started to creep up into Dean's mind, memories of his rough childhood with a drunk father and a brother to take care of.  Dean wished someone had been there for him when he figured out his dad wasn't coming back.  He laid alone in bed every night that week, fighting back tears, telling himself he couldn't cry because he had to be strong.  Sam had cried, he had Dean to comfort him, but Dean had to take care of Sam, Dean couldn't show weakness.  Dean had wondered at that point if he even could.

After Cas’ crying had subsided, and Dean’s own memories were pushed aside, Dean sat next to Cas.

"Why now?" he asked. "Why show up here all of a sudden?"  Cas took a deep breath, wiping at his face.

"We've been in the midst of a lawsuit for a few years, trying to settle my dad's estate. They wanted to cut me out."  He cleared his throat.  "I moved when I found out I had won, but I guess their lawyer found me."  Dean just shook his head.  He tried to imagine being as awful as that to Sam and couldn't understand how they did it.

"I'm so sorry," he said.  Cas shook his head.

"Please, Dean, you've done enough already."  He stood and leaned in, kissing Dean softly on the cheek.  "I think I'm going to try and sleep," he said quietly, like nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.  Cas had kissed his cheek, Dean still felt the tingle where lips had met skin.   He stood clumsily, nearly knocking over his chair, but Cas had his back to him and didn't appear to notice.  He followed Cas to the door, hoping he also wouldn't notice the blush on his face when he said goodbye, getting another thank you from Cas.  He walked back to his apartment in a haze.   He had stormed into Cas’ apartment as an acquaintance, had defended him and helped him even though he hardly knew him.

Except that wasn't entirely true; even before everything had gone down, Dean had gotten to know Cas, found out his favorite foods, his hopes for his job, that his favorite animal was a bee.  He had comforted a friend, a friend he found himself wanting to be more, and it terrified him.  More memories about his dad crept up, threatening to overwhelm him, so he pushed them down fiercely, and instead focused on the feeling of Cas' arms around his waist, clinging to him desperately.  It felt good to be needed like that, and Dean stayed focused on that good feeling, managing to get to sleep without his father looming over him.

 

The next day, before heading across the street to work, and against his better judgement, he stopped at Cas' apartment.  In all the bustle he had forgotten to get the contract signed, and if he was honest with himself, he also wanted to make sure Cas was okay.  It was still pretty early, and he had no idea if Cas would be awake, but he knocked anyway.  He got an answer after only a few moments, Cas was in pajamas, a bathrobe wrapped around him and a glorious black eye.

"Hello, Dean," he said, half smiling.  Dean took it as a good sign that Cas could manage that much, and he smiled back at him broadly.

"Hey, Cas.  I just wanted to make sure you were okay.  And I, uh,  still need your signature."  He held out the contract, trying to ignore the attractively mussed hair drooping over Cas’ blue eyes, and the way Cas’ soft smile made his heart skip a beat.  Cas nodded, reaching out for the paper and Dean handed it to him.

"Sure, let me get a pen."  He walked into his apartment and Dean followed. The living room was put back together for the most part, and Dean had to wonder if it was the first time that had happened to Cas.  He felt a twinge of anger stir in his gut.  

“The place looks good, I hope you didn’t work yourself too hard,” Dean said as Cas returned from the kitchen area with a pen in hand.

"For a visit from Michael, it was relatively tame," Cas said, bending to use an end table to sign the contract.  His robe fell open slightly, and Dean turned his face away from the bare skin it exposed, a blush creeping up the side of his neck.  “Thanks again, for all your help last night,” he added, from much closer to Dean than he was expecting.  He had walked up next to him, holding out the contract for Dean to take.  He blushed slightly deeper, Cas hadn’t fixed his robe when he stood up.

"I hate bullies," Dean said matter of factly, "and no offense, but your brothers are royal dicks."  Cas nodded, his smile turning thoughtful.

"The way we were brought up... they each had a 'destiny' set out by my father, you know? And I came along, and I wasn't as smart as Gabriel, as strong as Michael or Raphael, so I didn't have to do all they had to.  I got off easy, and when you're brought up without a mother, with the kind of religious father I had... It got tense."  Dean felt strange, having such a personal conversation for the second time in two days, it wasn’ like him to talk about that kind of stuff with anyone, not even his brother really talked about much with Dean.  He found that with Cas, he didn’t really mind.

"Well, if it'll make you feel better, I'll come over tonight and tell you all about my crappy childhood.  We can compare horror stories," Dean said, trying to sound casual about it.

"It's a date," Cas said, a large smile wrinkling the skin at the corners of his eyes.  Dean blushed, but the sly look in Cas' eye told him he had chosen those words on purpose.

"A date," Dean repeated.  He walked back to the front door trying to hide the racing in his chest.  As he opened the door and turned to say goodbye, Cas leaned in and kissed his cheek again, closing the door behind him.  As Dean walked to work, he stroked his cheek unconsciously.  He had asked the guy out on a date, what would have been a second date if the events of last night had been different, without even meaning to, for the second time in two days.  All the time he’d spent forcing down the attraction growing in his chest, trying to ignore the way Cas made his very being vibrate with things Dean wasn’t used to feeling; now tonight, he would be alone with him, no brothers to chase off, no risk of friends or family intruding at all.  On their ‘second’ date.

He walked into the office, opening up for the day and pulling on a relatively clean pair of coveralls.  He forced himself to dive into his work, just to keep his mind from wondering about that night, gutting the old parts on the Lincoln Cas had picked with a gusto.  When he was working on a car, he could just turn everything off and focus on the task at hand, ignoring all emotions, everything outside the intricate lumps of metal in front of him.  He didn't even stop for lunch, and probably would have worked past close if Benny hadn't come out to the yard to see him.

"You okay?" he asked, leaning on the side of the Lincoln as Dean dug around in the engine.   "Last time you got this into work it was about Lisa."  Dean nodded at Benny, waving his concern away and trying to keep Lisa's name from darkening his mood.  He had spent the entire day voicing the same concerns in his head, and told Benny the same excuse he came up with to satisfy himself.

"Yeah, I'm good.  I just... felt like working today.  Lot of pent up energy."  Benny raised an eyebrow, but seemed to buy it.  Dean relaxed in relief as Benny shrugged it off.

"Alright, we're all closed up, see you tomorrow," he said, handing Dean the keys and walking out the side gate.  Dean closed up the Lincoln and walked into the office, tossing his coveralls in the laundry hamper and locking up.  He headed across the street to his apartment to shower and wash the motor oil off his skin.  As the hot water ran along his back, he tried to relax.  He was only trying to make sure that Cas was okay, it was nothing more than that... right?  It couldn't be, because if it was, Dean ran the risk of having history repeat itself.  He refused to do that to Cas, refused to add him to Dean Winchester's 'broken ex' list.  He climbed out of the shower and dried off, having only half convinced himself he wasn’t going to do anything more than be friends with him.  So it made no sense to Dean that he couldn’t decide on what to wear to run downstairs.  He was torn between his favorite button up shirt, or if he should just go casual and wear a tee shirt when Charlie called.

"Benny said you were acting weird at work today," she said without preamble. Dean sighed, he didn't need this right now.

“Hello to you, too.”

“Like, Lisa level weird.  Are you feeling okay Dean?”

"You be sure to tell Benny it's none of his business."  Dean decided on the button up, pulling it over his shoulders and doing up the buttons while he held the phone with his shoulder.

"Oh, someone's feeling feisty.  You are in a weird mood today." she said, a teasing tone in her voice.

"Maybe because I'm trying to get ready for a date and you're distracting me," he said, regretting the words the moment they left his lips, ]when she shrieked in excitement.  He debated on just dropping the phone and ignoring the rest of her call but took a deep breath and rode out her excitement.

"You did it! You asked Cas?”  He dropped onto the edge of his bed, pulling on socks and shoes.

"Just one date.  That's it.  He had a bit of a rough night and I just want to make sure he’s okay."  

“Aww, Dean sweeping in for the rescue!” she teased.  Dean set his jaw, trying not to get angry with her.  She didn’t know about his brothers, and it wasn’t Dean’s place to tell her, but her comments didn’t reach anywhere near the gravity of Cas’ situation, and he had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself.

“Charlie, I’d really like for you to just let this go,” he sighed, checking his hair one last time and walking out to his kitchen to grab] a bottle of wine.

"Alright, I won't keep you.  Good luck tonight!"  And just like that she hung up.  Dean was impressed, that had to be the shortest conversation he had ever had with her.  He paced around his apartment a few more times, trying to psyche himself up, and then he heard a knock against his floor.  He blushed and headed down stairs, not sure what he was going to find, and not entirely sure he was ready for it


	4. Apple Pie Shows He Cares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A litle backstory, a little fluff, a little smut. Just a bit of everything :)
> 
> BETA'D AND UPDATED

Dean’s knuckles had barely tapped Cas' door before it swung open, and Dean was stunned speechless by the man in front of him.  Cas had put on a nice shirt and slacks, his suit jacket on, hair still a hopeless mess, but blue eyes shining with genuine happiness.  Dean was glad he had decided to go a bit dressy, next to Cas his normal flannel would have looked out of place.

"Hello, Dean," Cas said, smiling warmly.  Dean tried to ignore the little host of butterflies those two words woke up in his stomach.

"I, uh, I don't know if you'll like this, but it was what I had," he stammered as he handed Cas the wine, blushing slightly when their hands brushed.  Cas stepped back so Dean could come in, shutting the door behind him.  Dean followed him as he walked into the kitchen, trying to keep his heart from racing.  It was just one date, one night, that was it.  

"Thanks.  I made you something, too."  Cas threw a small smile over his shoulder at Dean, and when Cas pulled on oven mitts and opened the oven, the most glorious smell hit him.

"No..." he sighed, taking a deep breath through his nose.  Cas smiled, nearly giggling as he pulled the contents of the oven out to set on the counter.  Cas had cooked some sort of stir fry, their plates sitting out on the table still steaming, but that wasn't what was making Dean's mouth water.  Cas pulled off the mitts once he set the apple pie on a cooling tray, turning to Dean with a triumphant look.

"Consider it my way of saying thank you," Cas said, smiling at Dean's reaction.  

“That’s just… thanks, man,” Dean mumbled, walking with Cas over to the table to eat dinner.  Dean had ordered pie at every one of their meetings, it was no stretch for Cas to have figured out it was his favorite food, but for him to make one for this little date, it made a warmth take root in Dean’s chest.  Dean swallowed hard, trying not to think about how thoughtful Cas was, and how above and beyond his actions were, because it was just _one night_.  

They sat and ate dinner, and true to his word Dean shared stories of his childhood, the good and the bad.

"I don't even think Sam remembers mom.  He was just a baby, home with me and dad when she died.  Car accident."

"I'm sorry, Dean," Cas said softly, and for the first time in as long as Dean could remember, it sounded like he actually meant it.  Dean shrugged, taking a bite of food to hide the flutter of his emotions.

"I miss her, but it was a long time ago.  My dad... he tried to keep it together, I know that now, but we moved a lot as kids.  He had his issues with alcohol, and finally, he just started leaving us with Bobby."  Dean felt the ghost of old hurts rising to the surface, and it must have shown on his face because Cas reached out to place a comforting hand on his.  Again with the spark up his arm from the touch, but he pushed past it and kept talking.  "He would take trips, looking for work and stuff.  The trips became longer and his time with us began to feel like an inconvenience.”  Cas stood.

“Let me get the pie,” he said softly.  He moved into the kitchen, returning quickly with a hefty slice of pie for Dean and a slightly smaller one for himself.  Dean shook his head at his portion size, but when he took a bite he forgot to complain.

“Wow, Cas, this is fantastic!” he groaned through the pie in his mouth.  Cas chuckled softly, taking a much more human sized bite of his own pie.  After a few more bites, Dean continued talking.  Normally, he was awful about sharing personal thoughts and feelings with people, but with Cas he couldn’t seem to stop the words from tumbling out.

“Sam hated it, how my dad treated us.  He was always so angry with him.  I didn’t like it either, but it was dad, I couldn’t stand up to him like that.  Sam just didn’t care, he wanted dad to stay and couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t.  He and dad got into a huge argument when he started applying for colleges.  I don't even remember what it was really about, but once either of them gets an idea in their head, they don't let it go."  Dean took a deep breath.  "Dad left the Impala behind after that argument and I knew...he wasn’t coming back."  Dean hadn't talked about this in so long, he felt tears start to form and he tried to force them back, like he always had, but looking into Cas' bright blue eyes he felt his resolve waver.  "I never saw him again,” Dean shrugged.  "I don't know if he's even alive..."  Cas squeezed his hand.

"Hey, it's ok," he said softly.  Dean smiled, quickly brushing away a tear that escaped his eye.

"Guess it's my turn to cry on your shoulder," Dean said, trying to sound casual.  Cas had been sitting next to Dean, and his chair had moved closer and closer as the meal had gone on.  He closed the final distance, resting his head on Dean's shoulder hesitantly, his arm sliding across the back of Dean’s chair to pull him into half a hug.  It felt good, the comfort of having someone close, and Dean's resolve about this between them started to crumble irreparably.

"I'm here," Cas said softly.  Dean swallowed hard, his heart pumping in his chest and his arms starting to tremble under Cas’ touch.

"I don't even know why I'm telling you all this.  It took Charlie years to get it out of me," he sighed heavily.  Cas shrugged, sitting up again to look at Dean oddly, his head tilted to the side.

"I never told a soul about my brothers," he admitted.  Dean looked into his eyes, the sadness in them Dean had noticed when they talked about his brothers before was gone, replaced with a strange calm.  "I don't know if I was ashamed, or if I was afraid no one would understand..."  He hesitated for a moment, as if he was trying to make up his mind, then continued softly, "but with you Dean... I don't know I just feel safe.  Crazy, right?"  He was so open, so trusting Dean’s body was screaming for him to just lean in and kiss him.  Dean gently pushed back from the table, standing and taking their plates to the sink.  He felt the moment break the moment he stood, but he couldn't let it get past tonight.  He couldn't.

"I should warn you I'm not good at this.  I never have been," he grumbled.  He rinsed the plates, and refused to turn around when he heard Cas stand up.

"Talking?" Cas asked, innocently, walking into the kitchen behind him.  Dean felt himself smile in spite of himself.

"I mean this" he gestured at the two of them, still not turning around, "at relationships.  Last person I dated ended up leaving town I screwed them up so bad.  It's become a bit of a habit with me."  He heard Cas walk up behind him, and when he started running his hands soothingly over Dean's shoulders, he felt his walls break even further.   _Don't do it…_

"If you're trying to warn me about it, it would imply that you've considered it.  Considered this," Cas said softly.  Dean leaned into his touch, it felt good, comfortable, and he didn't want it to, because it made it so much harder to ignore it.

"I guess it would," he said quietly.  Against his better judgement, he turned slowly to face Cas.

"I've thought about it, a lot actually," Cas said, his honesty chipping away at Dean’s wall some more.  Why wasn’t he listening to what Dean was trying to tell him?

"I mean it, I've hurt people, badly.  Over and over. I don't..."

"You don't wanna hurt me, too?" Cas finished.  His eyes were so close, Dean started getting lost in their blue depths.  He wanted to walk away, to thank Cas for the night and the pie and go.  He wanted to be the asshole he always ended up being in the end because if he did it now it wouldn't hurt as much.  He wanted to… but he couldn’t.

Instead, he leaned in and brushed his lips against Cas'.  

It was brief, but by the pounding in his chest and the look on Cas' face, it was enough.  There was no turning back.  Gently, afraid to lose the moment, he wrapped an arm around Cas' back and pulled him close.  Cas bent his head, burying his face in Dean's neck.

"Warning received.  Maybe not heeded, but received," he whispered into Dean's skin, his breath sending goosebumps down his arms.  Dean was finally holding him and he was amazed at how right it felt.  He was also suddenly aware of the strong muscles moving under Cas' clothes, the scent of honey and musk, and just how warm he was pressed against Dean's body.  Dean had never been this intimate with a man before, and the feeling was strange, but not unwelcome.  The press of Cas's chest against his, the feel of his heartbeat against his own, was both familiar and new in more ways Dean could identify.

"I uh..."  He took a deep breath, clearing his throat.  "In the interest of full disclosure, I've never been with a guy before."

"But you're..." Cas tensed, pulling back slightly.

"Interested?  Oh yes."  He gave Cas his most charming smile, the one that usually had women's knees going weak, and from the subtle widening of Cas' eyes it worked.  "Charlie's the only one who knows I'm bi," he said.  "Not even Sam knows."  Cas nodded in understanding, his hand tracing small patterns against Dean’s chest.

"It was a source of tension in my home, my...interest," Cas said, leaning his head against Dean's shoulder.  "Michael didn't see the point in any kind of romance, and Raphael didn't... agree...with my choices."

"Gabriel didn't seem bad," Dean pointed out.  Cas nodded.

"He was the most kind, but even he would do things to avoid making Michael mad."  Dean sensed the mood going south fast, and he felt his grip tighten against Cas, his nose pressed into his hair.

"Hey, I didn't mean to make this all about them again," he said softly, pressing his lips against the top of his head.  He was amazed at how these simple little gestures seemed so natural, at how easy it was to let himself show affection for him.

"It's okay, it's actually nice, not to have to hide it all for once," Cas hummed.  He looked up to Dean's eyes again, smiled shyly, "and in the spirit of full disclosure, I have been with a man before."  His blush was so cute Dean couldn't help but kiss his cheek.

"Good, you can show me the ropes," he said jokingly.  Something flashed in Cas' eyes, and he leaned in suddenly, kissing Dean full on the lips.  The sensation of stubble against his skin was new, and kind of exhilarating.  He eagerly followed Cas' kiss with rising heat, his tongue slipping between Cas' lips, coaxing a deeper kiss from him.  Cas' response was passionate, and as Dean's brain caught up with his body and what was happening to said body, Dean stopped.  A muffled whine escaped Cas, and Dean tried to pretend that small noise didn’t light his nerves on fire.  He had to clear his throat before he could speak.

"Maybe we should... I mean I'm enjoying this but..." Dean was a mess, and making English work was too hard at the moment.

"We shouldn't get ahead of ourselves," Cas finished for him.

"Right. It's only our first date after all..."

"Absolutely," Cas agreed.  He stepped back from Dean, looking completely calm and collected, and Dean envied him his self control.  His heart was pounding and he could feel the heat in his face, feel his body trembling.  All from one kiss.  He was either out of practice, or he severely underestimated just how attracted he was to Cas.  Cas walked over to the island counter, pulling out aluminum foil to wrap what was left of the pie.  Dean watched every move he made, keeping a white knuckled grip on the sink, afraid to move.  Cas wasn't even doing anything suggestive, and Dean could hardly stand it, watching his shoulders flex beneath his shirt, the way he moved.  The ghost of the kiss still lingered on his lips, short but passionate, and Dean began to feel the familiar tightness in his jeans.  He casually walked to the other side of the island counter from where Cas was standing, just in case his interest became too obvious.  Cas finished wrapping the pan, reaching out and handing Dean the remainder of the pie across the counter.

"Thanks," Dean said, taking it in trembling hands.  Well, he attempted to say thanks, but his voice cracked and he swallowed hard, hating his body for betraying him so much, feeling the flush run up his cheeks.  Cas tilted his head, giving Dean a warm smile.

"I understand if it's too fast for you," Cas said, his normally gravelly voice even silkier with desire as he pointedly looked towards Dean's waist, "but I could help you with that."  

The naked honesty was too much, and Dean lost any and all self control at the sound of that voice.  He put the pie down and walked quickly around the counter, grabbing Cas and kissing him roughly, pressing him back against the counter.  Cas returned the kiss eagerly, burying his hands in Dean's hair and tugging softly.  Dean tried to take it all in, the taste and feel of Cas under him, not wanting to forget a single moment.  The kiss broke and they were both gasping for air.

"Cas, I can't..." he started, looking into his eyes, never wanting something more in his life but terrified of having it.  Cas' face was flushed, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his lips slightly parted, and the sight hit Dean low.  "I don't wanna screw this up," he finished quietly.  He let out a grunt as Cas burrowed into his neck, kissing and licking gently at his jaw and Adam's apple.  " _Shit_ , you're driving me fucking crazy," Dean managed to get out, leaning heavily on the other man for support.

"Shut up," Cas breathed in his ear, pushing Dean back against the wall of the kitchen.  Dean huffed as the air was forced from his lungs, both from Cas’ manhandling and the rush of desire that spread quickly through his body.  Dean's erection was straining against his pants, twitching at the friction from Cas' thigh.

"Shit Cas," he gasped as he attacked Dean with teeth and tongue.  He started undoing the buttons on Dean's shirt, kissing down his chest as he worked, pulling small whines and gasps from Dean as each newly exposed area was explored.  Dean was rutting against Cas' leg, every touch sending shivers through him.  Yeah it was soon, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't want this, hell, didn't _need_ it.  By the time Cas got his whole shirt unbuttoned Dean was an incoherent mess.  Cas sucked at a nipple as he undid Dean's pants, reaching a hand down under the hem of his boxers to palm his arousal.  One of his hands instinctively wrapped around Cas’ shoulders, the other buried in his hair.  His back arched into Cas’ touch, and he unashamedly moaned at the feel of skin on skin.

"Dean..." Cas breathed, and the sound of that voice, saturated with sex and desire, saying his name broke him.  Cas only had to stroke him a few times and he suddenly felt the heat of his orgasm slam to the surface.

"Cas, I'm-" and he came, trembling like a leaf, Cas the only thing holding him up.  He could barely breathe as he came down, burying his face in Cas' neck.  He had come in his pants, like a blushing virgin.

"Well, that was easy," Cas cooed teasingly, pulling his hand from Dean's pants to wrap around his back under his shirt, tracing the curve of his spine. Cas’ voice was full of affection, and Dean smiled, giggling softly.  He could still feel Cas' own arousal pressed against his leg through his slacks.  Dean shifted his leg against Cas, and was rewarded with a small gasp.  Well, they were all in now, no sense in holding back.

"Yeah, well, you're fucking gorgeous," Dean breathed, kissing at his neck.  Cas let out a soft groan as he pulled Cas' jacket off his shoulders and started in on his shirt, quickly pulling it off as well.  He attacked Cas' body full on, sucking and licking till Cas started squirming, his breath coming in short gasps.  He gently pushed Cas back against the counter, pulling his belt off in a fluid motion as they walked.  The button and zipper proved a bit more of a challenge, but in his defense he hadn't undressed many other guys before.  When he finally got Cas' pants down around his ankles he pulled his erection through his boxers, stroking it gently, Cas fingers gripping his biceps so tightly he knew it would leave a mark.  He felt a sudden thrill run through him, and knew what he wanted to do.

"Dean..." Cas moaned as Dean dropped to his knees, immediately taking Cas into his mouth, flowing on instinct.  He thought he would hesitate, thought it might bother him, but all he wanted was to please this man who had unlocked something inside Dean, something Dean had never felt before.  It was Dean's first time doing this, so he spent a few minutes trying different things, things he liked, till Cas' responses and white knuckled grip on Dean's shoulders gave him a good picture of what Cas liked.  It didn't take long until Cas' hips were jumping in time with Dean’s movements.

"Dean... I'm coming..." he gasped, pulled out at the last second, his release spilling over Dean's chest, his fingers leaving bruises on his shoulders.  Dean stood slowly, kissing Cas softly as he came down, holding him as close as he could without pressing his chest against him.  Cas grabbed a paper towel from the counter behind him, wiping Dean clean with an embarrassed chuckle.

"Well, that was..." Dean trailed off, unable to come up with words.  Cas smiled, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck once he had wiped up the mess.

"You said you had never done that before..." Cas said breathlessly.  Dean felt himself blush, hiding his face in Cas’ hair.

"No I hadn't," he said sheepishly.

"Some people have natural talent," Cas sighed, smiling against his shoulder.  After a few moments of just holding each other, Cas gently pulled away to pull up his pants.  Dean looked at the two of them, sexed up messes with clothing askew, and he couldn't have felt happier.  As soon as that thought entered his head, he immediately felt the happy bubble pop and sink down to his toes, felt the smile fade off his face.  So much for just one simple dinner.

"Listen, Cas," he sighed.  Cas put a finger on his lips, shushing him.

"I'm not going to let you talk yourself out of this," he said firmly.  Dean blinked.

"But like I said I-"

"Had bad experiences in the past," Cas finished before he could.  He ran a hand gently over Dean's cheek, and Dean turned his head into the touch.

"I don't want to hurt you," Dean said softly.

"And I don't plan on letting you," Cas said simply.  Dean couldn't help but smile.

"Alright. At least you've been warned."  Dean looked at the time, sighing.  "I have to open the yard, tomorrow, I better get to bed."

"I look forward to our next date," Cas said kissing Dean on the corner of his jaw before reaching across the counter to get Dean's pie.  Dean did up a few buttons, enough to be presentable in public and took the pie.

"Something to keep me till then," Dean said, winking seductively.  Cas stole one more kiss, a soft one on Dean’s lips, before walking him to the door.

"I'll call you," Cas said.  Dean smiled and nodded, pointing at the ceiling.

"You could always just knock." Cas grinned.

"Good night, Dean."

"Good night, Cas."


	5. You're My One Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, a bit more fluff and smut. I shouldn't enjoy writing this so much but.. sorry not sorry!
> 
> BETA'D AND UPDATED

When Dean woke up the next morning, he felt a pleasant warmth in his chest, that was immediately followed by a sinking sensation.  He sat up and looked at his clothes from the night before, piled on the floor.  He had been too blissed out last night to do much else but strip and crawl into bed, passing out almost the moment he hit the pillow.  Now that it was the morning after, all the regret was catching up to him.   _Why do I get myself in these messes?_  Dean wondered.  He didn't want to start something with the guy, he had just wanted one date, just one night as a way of clearing the air.  Now not only had they both agreed to a second date, they had basically had sex.  Dean groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face in frustration.  There wasn’t much he could do at the moment, so he showered and got dressed for work.  He didn’t have much of an appetite, so he skipped breakfast and walked across the street to open the yard.  Bobby was back from his trip, but was still leaving a lot of the work to Dean, so he was by himself in the office that morning.  He was grateful for the time alone to think, but when Charlie walked in that gratitude extended to her.  He needed to talk about this, and she was the only person he had.

"Okay, dish," she said, a silly grin on her face.  He grimaced and her smile faded slightly.  “That bad huh?”  He refused to meet her gaze, trying to work out how to get what he was feeling out in words.

“It wasn’t bad, Charlie, I just…”  He took a deep breath.  “I screwed up,” he admitted, poking at a spot on the desk with a pen.

"Are you okay?" she seemed genuinely concerned, and Dean braced himself.

"I’m not.  It was probably the best fucking date I've ever been on.  I told him about Dad, and he unloaded some real personal crap, chick flick moments all around,” he paused to collect himself, “and I want to see him again, but I can’t Charlie, I just can’t..."

"Oh, Dean, stop being a drama queen," she sighed, exasperated, and he frowned up at her unsympathetic response.  "Would it really be so bad to give this a try?"

"The name Lisa ring a bell? Or Anna? Cassie?"  Why couldn’t anyone seem to understand how bad he was for people?  He wanted to just scream at her, just make her see he shouldn’t be with anyone.  

“Dean-” she started but he cut her off.

“I’m poison, Charlie, I hurt the people I care about, and now with Cas… I've practically had sex with the guy.  I'm already dragging him into my mess."  Charlie blinked at his accidental confession.

"You...had sex..."  Dean was stabbing at the desk with the pen now.

"Well, a handjob and a blowjob," Dean muttered as he flushed scarlet.  Charlie had to hug her arms tightly around herself to hold in her happy excitement.

"Oh, Dean!"  She paused for a moment, and Dean could practically hear her thinking.  He focused in on the computer, doing some work and trying to ignore the crafty look on her face.  "Well," she finally continued, "you said you told him about your dad.  Which you hardly even talked to me about."  Dean heaved a sigh.

“Yeah, and?”  She just shrugged.

"I don't know, I just think, maybe he's worth the effort."  She said simply.  He leaned back in the chair, flashes of Cas’ smile and soft touches passing through his memory.

"I've thought about that," he said softly.  She raised an eyebrow at him, the disbelief evident on her face.  "Really, I have, I just... we've got a lot of baggage, both of us.  The kind of baggage that when it goes bad, it goes really bad."

"You do want to see him again, right?"

"Yeah, I do," he took a deep breath, running a hand over his face.  "Charlie I want this one to work so fucking bad it hurts."

“So make it work,” she said, planting her hands on her hips.  “Stop making excuses and just do this, Dean.  I know you can if you just try.”  Her confidence in him made Dean smile.  Could she be right?  Did Dean have it in himself to make this one work, to make sure that this time he wouldn’t hurt Cas?

“I just need to take my time with it,” he finally said.  “Do this at my own pace, alright?”

"Alright, I know when to back down," she smiled.  She walked around the desk and hugged him.  “I know you can do this, sweetie,” she said softly.  He squeezed her in response.  He had no idea what he would do without her, probably implode and explode all at once from all these emotions running through him.  She let him go and punched his shoulder affectionately.  "You better keep me updated."

"I promise."  He sighed. "There’s no guarantee..."

"I know, Dean. Just, you know, give it a chance."  She left him to his work and his thoughts.

 

After his shift ended for the day, he found himself walking back home from the yard deep in thought.  He wanted to be with Cas, more than he’d ever wanted anyone else in his life.  He was understanding, kind, and Dean trusted him so deeply it was almost unsettling.  He also saw the same trust in Cas’ eyes, the way he looked at Dean when they talked about his brothers, like he knew he was safe with him made Dean’s heart swell.  He made his way upstairs slowly, only half focusing on his surroundings, lost in his own head.   He showered to remove the dirt and grime from work, wrapping up in his towel and dropping on the side of his bed.  After a few minutes of internal debate, he picked up his phone, looking at Cas' number in his contacts.  He should call, if nothing else just to be a decent human being, but every time his finger hovered over the little phone, he hesitated.  It shouldn’t be that hard, just one little phone call to say, ‘ _Hey, I had fun, let’s do it again sometime!_ ’  

Frustrated, he stood, still in his towel, and walked out into the kitchen to grab a beer.  He had carried his phone with him, and it felt heavier in his hand as he walked over to his couch to sit down.  He popped the top on the beer, taking a few pulls before his phone started to ring in his hand.  He nearly threw his phone across the room, but managed to hang onto it, his heart beating against his ribcage.  He glanced down to see Cas’ name, and felt a flutter in his belly.  He took a few calming breaths before answering.

"Hey, Cas," he said, happy his voice didn't shake.

"Hello, Dean."  A few beats of silence.

"Hey, good news, I managed to get your brakes ordered for about $50 less," he said awkwardly, hitting himself in the forehead with his fist.  

"Great, thanks."  Another short silence, where Dean was practically screaming at himself to just say _something_.  Cas started to speak, "Look, Dean, about last night..."

"Like I said, I'm not good at this stuff," Dean started at the same time.  He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling absolutely ridiculous.  He could hear a nervous chuckle over the phone which made him feel marginally better.  "I've been staring at your number for almost an hour now, trying to decide if I should call you or not," Dean said, then winced when he played the words over in his head.  That came out sounding a little less friendly than he would have liked.

"I'm sorry if my actions made you uncomfortable," Cas said softly.  Dean could hear the disappointment in his voice, and it made his stomach turn in a knot.

"No Cas, don't apologize.  Last night was one of the best nights of my life."

"Me too, Dean."  He felt himself smile, picturing the smile on Cas's face that he could hear through the phone.  "I would like to see you again," Cas said softly, "but if you're not ready, I'd be okay with a phone call now and again."

"Cas, I don't want you to just sit around and wait for me." Dean sighed, rubbing his eyes.   What was it about this man that made him so weak, yet feel larger than life?  "I don't want you to put your life on hold while I figure my crap out."  Silence for a while.

"I'll wait for you as long as I have to, Dean." he said, so quiet Dean almost couldn't hear it. Dean felt a surge of emotion in his chest, and almost gave in and ran downstairs, but he clenched his jaw and set his resolve.

"I'll call you, I promise you that at least," Dean said. "If you're willing to wait, I'll at least be willing to talk."

"Okay. I'll talk to you later, Dean."  He could hear the smile in his voice.

"Bye, Cas."

 

Over the next month, Dean and Cas talked almost every day.  In spite of long days at the yard and Cas' long nights grading school work, they always made time for each other.  Sometimes their conversations were just about their day, Cas complaining about students, Dean muttering about not finding a part for the price he wanted.  Other times, Dean found himself exposed to the raw nerve, trying not to cry in the break room at the yard as he relived his worst Christmas, and Cas would mournfully blame himself for the rift between himself and his brothers.  He talked about everything with Cas, old relationships, worries about Sam, and Cas in turn shared stories of his overly religious father, and that he'd never been in real love before.  Sometimes they’d just sit on the phone together in total silence, Dean taking comfort just in knowing Cas was there, ready to listen when he needed to talk, and patient when Dean couldn’t.

It all came out so easy, just talking to him, it was something unlike anything Dean had ever felt before.  As the month passed, the phone calls became the highlight of Dean’s day.  He even started to neglect Baby, working solely on the Lincoln because it was the one piece of Cas he was able to be around.  They had started, a few weeks back, checking their mail at separate times to avoid seeing each other on accident, and Dean missed seeing him so much, it became harder and harder to just settle for a phone call.

Cas asked the same question at the end of every call, and their conversation exactly one month later ended the same way.

"Call you tomorrow?" Implied in that question was 'or can I see you, instead?'  Cas never said or asked for more, and Dean answered everyday with just a ‘yes’.  This time he hesitated.  He had started longing for the sound of Cas' voice, almost like an addict yearning for their next hit.  He had opened up emotionally to Cas in ways he never had with any other human soul.  Dean knew he was falling hard, and it was different than every single failed relationship he’d ever had. Maybe Charlie had been right.  Maybe this time it could be different, and maybe it would be worth the effort to find out.  He took a deep breath, steeling himself.

"See you tomorrow?" he said instead, his heart beating against his ribs. The moment it took Cas to understand what Dean had said was one of the longest moments in Dean's life.

"Sounds good," he answered happily, and Dean let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding.

 

"What're you gonna do tonight?  Me and a couple of the boys were planning on hitting the Roadhouse for some beers and pool," Benny asked, walking up to Dean after work the next day.  That shift had been the longest of Dean's life, and his mind was only half in the real world.  He hadn't really managed to get anything done in spite of his best efforts, and only realized it was time to close when he focused on Benny leaning over the desk looking at him expectantly.

"Hmm?  What?" he stammered, standing and taking off his coveralls.  Benny chuckled at his confusion.

"Roadhouse? C'mon Dean, what’s gotten into you today?  You’ve been all sorts of spaced out."  Dean shrugged.

“Just tired, I guess,” he grunted.  “And sorry, Benny, I’m gonna take a rain check on the Roadhouse.”  Benny's brow furrowed slightly, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Uh huh.  Dean are you sure you’re feeling okay?" he asked.  

"Yeah, I’m good.  Just got some paperwork to take care of, and I'm beat," Dean lied quickly, not exactly ready to just come out and say _‘I’m going to see my boyfriend.’_  He hoped against hope Benny didn't notice his ears burning.

"Alright, then, suit yourself," Benny sighed, giving him an odd look.  "See you later."  Dean locked up the office once Benny left, hurrying across the street, trying to push away the nerves building up in his system.  He was finally going to see Cas again, and after a month without him he was desperate for it.  His muscles all felt electrified, his mind racing at 100 miles an hour.   Dean texted Cas on his way upstairs to his apartment, his fingers shaking so bad he had to type it six times before finally getting all the words right.

_Getting a shower before dinner.  I'll leave the door open._

He hurried inside and into the bathroom, stripping his clothes off as he walked and hopped in the shower, washing the motor oil off as quickly as possible.  He painstakingly planned their night out the day before, picking out some of his favorite movies that Cas hadn't seen yet, and he bought ingredients to make homemade pizza.  Cas had missed out on so many classic movies growing up in his parent’s strict home, Dean felt obliged to make sure he properly culturally educated him.  As boring as that would seem to a normal person, Dean was ridiculously excited, because no matter what they did, he was seeing Cas again.  

_He was seeing Cas again._

He was so caught up in his excitement he didn't notice he wasn't alone until a tentative pair of hands touched his shoulders.  He nearly fell over, slipping slightly on the shower tiles as his heart leapt up into his throat, spinning around.

"Sorry!" Came the familiar gravel filled voice.

"Cas!" Dean gasped.  There he was, in all his beautiful, naked glory, standing in the shower with Dean.  Dean just stared for a moment, only half able to process that Cas was _in the shower with him._

"Sorry, I just... I was waiting in the living room but I...was thinking about...you being in here...and I didn’t know if your note meant..."  Cas blushed scarlet, but there was no hiding his already hardening erection.  The adorable way he nibbled at his lip and looked up at Dean sheepishly overwhelmed Dean with emotion, he was frozen, unable to move or speak.  Cas must have took his silence as disapproval, because his eyes fell to his feet.  "This is too much, isn't it. I'll just-" he went to climb out, but Dean grabbed his arm.

"Don't go," Dean growled, pulling him in and kissing him hard.  Cas opened his mouth under Dean's lips, and eagerly they licked into each other's mouths.  Dean had ached for this, to have Cas under him again, to feel his chest under his fingers, his heat against his body.  He pulled back and leaned Cas against the wall of the shower, watching the water cascade down his chest, flowing over his stomach and down further, drawing a heavy sigh from Dean.

"I've missed you," Cas said quietly.  Dean placed his forehead against Cas'.

"You have no idea," Dean breathed.  He was hard now as well, all the pent up emotions he'd been feeling over the last month running through his veins like fire.  Cas reached and took hold of his hips, his fingers softly pressing into Dean’s skin and pulling him in close.  Dean showered kisses all over Cas, anywhere he could reach, unable to get enough of the taste of his skin.  Cas was moaning under Dean's touch, but suddenly grabbed Dean's shoulders and pushed him back.

"Dean-" Dean felt a thrill up his spine at the sound of his name, desperate to get close to Cas again, but Cas' arms kept him back.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked.  Cas let go of one shoulder and reached up to stroke Dean's cheek.

"I-...I just... I want you, Dean.  All of you," he moaned, his eyes filled with a deep hunger, and Dean felt his heart leaping around in his chest.  Cas wanted more than this, more than Dean had given to any man before.  And _God_ did Dean want that, too.  Dean couldn't find his voice, so he rolled his hips into Cas and just nodded.  Cas reached around and turned off the water, pulling Dean slowly out of the shower, grabbing the towel and drying them both off.  The touches were soft, so different from the passion they had shared moments before but no less intoxicating.  Cas took him by the hand and led him to bed, his confidence helping Dean keep a hold of himself slightly, though he still felt like he was vibrating out of his skin.  Cas laid down, pulling Dean down over him, and his eyes never left Dean's the whole time, bright blue orbs drawing Dean in and drowning him.  Dean curled his body around Cas, kissing him slowly, gently, pressing skin against skin.  As Cas moaned Dean’s name softly underneath him, he suddenly felt his muscles tensing, his nerves getting the best of him.  He pulled back from the kisses, looking into those blue eyes again, trying to find his voice, trying to ask for help.  Cas reached up and gently massaged his shoulders.

"Relax," he whispered, like he had heard him, "I trust you, Dean."  Dean shivered, bending and kissing Cas' neck, moving down his collarbone to his chest.  Cas moved up to Dean, pressing his hips  against him, one hand still massaging his shoulder, the other hand running through Dean's hair.  He was trembling, Cas’ soft touches becoming too much, too emotional for him to handle, and his kisses stuttered to a halt.  He pressed his forehead against Cas’ chest, and Cas ran a finger under his chin, lifting so he could look at him.  "You don't have to do this if you're not ready," Cas whispered softly, his voice full of understanding and comfort.  Dean relaxed, but he felt the moment fade, their momentum slow to a halt.  While part of him was disappointed, he had to admit there was a small voice in his head that was relieved.

"Why are you so...perfect," Dean groaned, pressing his lips chastely against Cas’ sternum.  "I don't want to hurt you Cas," he sighed, rolling over on his side next to Cas, burying his face in his neck, one arm tucked tightly over his chest.  "Every time I get close to someone I-...I don't know what I would do if I did that to you."  He felt a tightness in his chest starting to grow, the same worry he’d always felt about their relationship rising to the surface again.  They had talked about this more times than Dean could count over the past month, and Cas had always answered with a simple 'You won't,' but this time he took a moment before answering, like he could sense Dean needed more than that tonight.

"Did you ever stop to think, Dean, about why you're fighting so hard against this?"  Cas ran his hand over Dean's back, soothingly, tracing the curve of his spine.  Dean let that idea run around in his head.  What was it about Cas, about this that was so different than before?  Dean desperately wanted to be with Cas, but he was so scared, so worried about hurting him.  

Then it hit him suddenly, like the metaphorical light bulb turning on.

He was trying so hard not to care, because he cared so _much_.  He had never felt more comfortable, more right about anyone, like the way he felt with Cas.  He nuzzled in tighter against him, holding him tight like he was afraid Cas might disappear.

"If we... If I do this, Cas, there are no guarantees."  He felt Cas’ gentle touch lift his face again, and when he met Cas' eyes, he was surprised to see him smiling.

"Dean, nothing has guarantees," he leaned in and kissed him chaste but warm, “but what is guaranteed is I care about you."  He kissed him again, his lips pliant against Dean’s, emotion flowing through them.  "I'm going to do whatever it takes to help you see you're worth it."  Dean's heart swelled, a grin spreading across his face as Cas’ thumb traced the skin just below his bottom lip.  He burrowed into Cas, running his hand into the messy black hair, feeling it run through his fingers.  Cas' hand continued running over his back, soothing the anxiety that had built up there over the past month, calming the worry that Dean had carried the moment he laid eyes on Cas, the worry that he might fall for this man.  

As strange as it was, suddenly it felt like falling for him was what he had been waiting for his whole life.

Quite un-romantically, he felt a hungry rumble in his stomach, remembering why Cas was over in the first place.

"Listen, I uh... I'm actually really hungry," Dean laughed, and Cas laughed right along with him.  Dean got out of bed, grabbing some pajamas from his dresser, and handing Cas a pair.  They dressed and shared one last chaste kiss before walking out into the kitchen.  He made his way to the fridge and pulled out his pizza ingredients.  Cas leaned on the counter and watched in fascination as Dean prepped the dough and got the pizza ready.  They chatted about food, easy conversation as the pizza cooked, like they hadn't just awkwardly tumbled in and out of bed.  This was what Dean enjoyed about Cas the most, his ability to just talk to him, to relax and just be.  

After eating, Cas was washing the dishes, and Dean watched the muscles in his back working.  It was still amazing to him that this man, this gorgeous blue eyed man with the rumpled sex hair, cared about him at all.  Cared about Dean in spite of all his warnings that he shouldn't.  Finally, _finally_ , he gave in, knowing exactly what he wanted for the first time in his entire life.  Dean walked up behind Cas, rubbing his shoulders gently.

"You know this makes it hard to wash the dishes," Cas said, leaning into Dean's touch as his fingers massaged his soft skin, gently pressing into the muscle underneath.  Dean leaned in and kissed Cas's shoulder.

"Dishes can wait," Dean whispered breathlessly.  Cas turned off the water and dried his hands, leaning his head back against Dean's shoulder.

"Dinner was wonderful," he hummed softly.  Dean nuzzled into his neck, planting soft kisses along his skin.

"Ready for dessert?" Dean asked, a slight tremor in his voice.  Cas turned to face him, a look in his eyes Dean couldn't pin down.

"Dean, if you're not comfortable-"

"I care about you, too, Cas," he said gently, running his hand around his torso to slide along Cas' chest, his fingers brushing the outlines of his muscles.  "And I want this," his fingers trailed down his stomach, caressing his hip bones.  "I want us, I want complicated, and everything that comes with it, and I want you."  Cas grinned and leaned into Dean, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him.  Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' hips, holding him tight against his body, giving in to the warmth of skin against skin.  Cas started gently pushing Dean towards the bedroom, and Dean broke the kiss long enough to get there without falling over.  As soon as they reached the room, Cas pushed Dean onto the bed, looking at him hungrily for a moment before climbing into his lap, his knees sliding past Dean’s hips till he was flush against him.  Dean sat up, running one hand into Cas' hair and pulling him in, kissing him in desperation.  He needed more, more of this man, more of this feeling.  Almost as if he heard Dean's thoughts, Cas started to rock back and forth in his lap, humming softly into Dean’s lips.  The cotton of their pajamas was a thin barrier between them, and Dean could feel both of their arousals pushing at the fabric, sliding against each other every time Cas rolled into Dean.  Dean felt the familiar heat building down low, building too fast.  He pulled out of the kiss, gripping Cas' hip to stop him.

"Dean, what..." Dean shushed him and gently rolled them, laying Cas back on the bed, kissing softly at his neck.  Cas ran his hand through Dean's hair, down along the back of his neck, then tracing his jawline.  His touches were immeasurably soft, and sent waves of goosebumps over his body.  Dean moved his lips downward, kissing along Cas' chest, down his stomach, slowly pulling the pajamas off as he went.  Cas was breathing heavily, closely watching every move he made, his chest rising and falling, and as Dean took him into his mouth he moaned hoarsely, his back arching slightly.  Dean teased at Cas, taking him all the way in then teasing at the head, until he was gripping the sheets white knuckled.

"Dean, please... I need you inside me," Cas growled.  The sex in Cas' voice made Dean sit up, his erection jumping against his own pants.

"Bedside table," he gasped.  As Cas reached in and found the bottle of lube and the condoms Dean was referring to, Dean stood, quickly tossing his pants to the floor.  He knelt between Cas' legs, taking the bottle from him, his hand shaking slightly.  Cas noticed and his eyes widened slightly.

"This is your first... with a guy I mean," Cas said softly.  Dean nodded, a flush creeping up his cheeks.

"I mean, I get the concept," Dean couldn't help but smile at how silly he felt, being this nervous.  Cas took the bottle, poured some of the liquid into Dean's hand, slowly guiding him down towards his entrance.

"I trust you," he breathed, giving Dean a reassuring smile.  He felt his confidence rise, leaning forward to kiss him softly as he worked a finger gently into Cas' opening, and Cas fell back with a drawn out moan on his lips.  Painstakingly slow, he worked Cas open, desperate to go faster but terrified of hurting him.  As Dean added a second finger, Cas started writhing under Dean's touch, moaning his name like a prayer, and it was the most beautiful thing Dean had ever heard.  Once he had three fingers moving freely, Cas wrapped a leg around him, his hand sliding up the back of his neck, his blunt nails digging into Dean’s skin.

"I'm ready," Cas growled.  Dean removed his fingers, slid on the condom and added some lube to his arousal, lining himself up.  He leaned forward, capturing his mouth in a searing kiss and slowly slid inside Cas.  It felt like ages, pausing and allowing Cas to get used to him, but finally he was swallowed whole by this beautiful man.  Dean couldn't tell where he ended and where Cas began.

"Oh, shit, Cas," he breathed into the other man's neck, feeling him clench around him.

"Now, Dean," Cas breathed into his ear.  Dean began to move, small rolls of his hips, slowly and unsure at first, but increasing his pace and intensity when he realized just how much Cas was enjoying himself.  It was one of the most amazing sensations Dean had ever felt, but he found his entire focus on Cas, just worried about making him feel good, making him squirm with delight.  Cas lifted his hips slightly, and as Dean thrust into him hard Cas cried out, loud enough to startle Dean into stopping.

"Cas?"

"No it's good," Cas barely gasped, "so fucking good..."  Dean fell into it with abandon, adjusting Cas' hips so that every couple of hard thrusts he could hit that sensitive spot.  It wasn't long until Cas threw back his head, crying out Dean's name like his life depended on it, and as Dean snapped his hips up hard Cas came, clenching around Dean tightly and screaming in ecstasy.  It was too much for Dean watching Cas fall apart, and he came with small stutterd thrusts, collapsing on Cas and wrapping his arms around him tightly, like he was afraid he would disappear.  Dean felt time stop; in that moment there was nothing, just him and Cas in the afterglow.  Dean rolled over onto his side, removing the condom, tying it off and tossing it, then snuggled against Cas' side, arms and legs wrapped together in a tight embrace.

"You are so... beautiful," Cas gasped quietly.  Dean let out a small embarrassed laugh.  "I mean it Dean,” Cas insisted, “you ran into my apartment, nearly a stranger still, and didn't hesitate to try and save me.  I've never met a single soul as selfless as that before in my life.  I've never known that kindness, that compassion." Dean was blushing furiously.

"I'm not that special," he mumbled, sliding his nose, then his lips along Cas’ jaw.

"You are to me," he said quietly.  Dean leaned up and smiled at him, kissing him chastely.

"I'll try not to let you down," he said.  Cas ran a hand over his cheek, and they kissed again, soft and full of emotions that couldn’t be expressed in words.

"You never will."


	6. Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BETA'D AND UPDATED!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor character death, all off screen. I didn't have enough Sam. A bit of fluff, too

Dean woke the next morning alone, and immediately panicked.  He grabbed for his phone, his hand finding the note Cas left out on his bedside table.  As he read through it, his heart stopped trying to escape through his ribcage, and his face broke out into a wide grin.

_Dean,_

_I had to go home, I've got about 50 essay exams to grade before Monday.  Last night was the best night of my life, and I absolutely hated leaving you like this, but if you woke up, I know I wouldn't have been able to leave.  I'll see you for dinner._

_I love you,_

_Your Cas_

Dean's heart started to race again, for a different reason.  He read the last two lines over and over, waiting for them to change.

_I love you._

He wanted to be worried, wanted to feel guilty about letting things get this far, but he found the more he ran the words through his head, the more he realized he meant what he had said to Cas.  

_I want us, I want complicated, and everything that comes with it._

This was definitely complicated for him, but he couldn’t get enough of it.  He got up to pee and brush his teeth, only then noticing the sticky feeling on his stomach.  He flushed, giggling to himself as he grabbed a washcloth and cleaned himself up.  Last night… he really wanted to do that again.  He blushed a deeper crimson when the thought occurred to him that he wanted to take Cas’ place, to see what felt so good he came without being touched.  Buzzing with happiness, Dean crawled back into bed, burying his face in his pillow.  The faint scent of Cas still lingered in the fabric, and he breathed deep, falling back into a peaceful sleep, a smile on his face.

 

He woke a few hours later to his phone ringing, and he wasn't surprised at all to see Charlie's name on the caller ID.

"What?" he groused, his voice still heavy with sleep.  

"Late night last night?" she teased.  Dean felt the corner of his mouth twitch, but kept his tone grumpy.

"What do you care?" he sighed, sitting up and rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

"Because you weren't at boys night at the Roadhouse, and Benny said you'd been acting weird, and I know you well enough to put two and two together.”  She paused for dramatic effect even though Dean knew what conclusion she’d drawn.  “You finally saw Castiel, didn't you?"  He had explained the phone call arrangement to her, and while she was supportive at first, she spent most of the time rolling her eyes at Dean for being so ‘childish’.  Dean was going to tease her with a non answer, but at this point he was too happy to worry about her ‘I told you so’.

"You know, Charlie, you're too clever for your own damn good," Dean pointed out, sitting up and leaning against his headboard with a smile.  She let out her 'fangirl' shriek, nearly deafening Dean, and he could practically see her victory dance.  He gave it a few moments then cleared his throat.  "You done?"

"Yes," she giggled, obviously not done but containing herself on Dean’s behalf.  "So? How'd it go?"  Dean wanted to make some snide remark, some offhand comment, but knew Charlie would see right through it, so he stuck with the truth.

"Best. Fucking. Night. Ever," he declared, and he felt himself grinning from ear to ear.

"So, is it official now?"

"I mean, yeah, I guess,” they hadn’t exactly said the words, but Cas had told him he loved him, so that was that.  Dean felt a blush creep up his cheeks, glad Charlie wasn’t in the room with him.  “We sort of consummated it and everything."

"Finally popped your boy cherry! About damn time!" she squealed.   _Did she even have a filter?!_  Dean let himself give in to the warmth in his chest, feeding off of Charlie’s excitement and his own happy glow, looking over the words written in Cas’ note again.  "Tell you what,” Charlie continued, “I'll treat you to lunch today, meet me at the Ihop in two hours?"  Ihop is their safe place; not a lot of Dean's friends frequent it, so they can talk freely there.  Dean doesn't want everyone to know that sometimes he actually does talk about his feelings.

"Yeah, sure," Dean agreed, hanging up the phone, grinning like a fool.

 

The moment Charlie walked into the Ihop she ran up to Dean in the waiting area and gave him a huge hug.  Dean felt slightly embarrassed, the patrons and wait staff giving them a few strange looks, but got over it quickly as her affection seeped into him.  It felt good to have someone care about his happiness so much.  She released him and the hostess took them to a table, looking at them strangely one last time before walking away.

"So, best night ever, huh?" she teased, wiggling her eyebrows at Dean as she slid into the seat across from him, pouring herself a coffee out of the urn.  "Was he that good?"  Dean blushed, keeping his eyes on the table.

"I'll spare you the details, but yeah, it was beyond good."  The silly grin faded into a small smile as he fiddled with his coffee mug.  "And it wasn’t just the sex.  We talked it through, Charlie, about us being, well, us.”  He fell silent as their waitress, Pam, came to drop off an orange juice for Dean and a water for Charlie.  Every time they came to Ihop they got Pam, so as soon as they walk in the door, she’s already putting their order in.

“Thanks, Pam,” Charlie says with a smile.  Dean continues once Pam walked away.  

“I've told him time and again about what happened with Lisa, with all of them, and he doesn't care, Charlie.  He still wants to be with me, and I’m not-"  Dean feels a lump try to worm its way into his throat so he swallows it down.  "He looks me right in the eye and tells me I'm worth it, and I just can’t believe it..."  

“Can’t believe he cares, or can’t believe what he’s saying to you?” Charlie asks.

“Both, I guess,” Dean says with a sigh.  “I don’t even know how to react to this.”

“But you want to be with him?” Charlie says quietly.  Dean meets her eyes, half smiling through his blush.

“Absolutely.”  Their conversation pauses again when Pam walks up with their food.

“The usual,” she says with a smile, ruffling Dean’s hair as she walks away.  Dean looks up at Charlie, to see her grinning smugly at him.

"I told you so," she said proudly, stuffing a bite of food in her mouth.  "I told you it would work between you guys."

"Yes, you win.  I wave the white flag," Dean sighed, unable to stop the small laugh that went with it.

"So, how does it feel?" Charlie asks, smiling through her pancake stuffed cheeks.  Dean shrugs, digging into his western omelette.

"It's scary," Dean admitted. Charlie tutted at him.

"Of course it is, silly. That's how you know it's real."  He focused on eating his food for a bit before speaking again.

"Charlie, he's already said it," he whispered, the weight of it finally settling on him, putting pressure on his chest.

"Said what?" she asked through another bite of pancake.

"The 'L' word."  She paused, her mouth comically open, another fork full of food halfway there.

"... and you're not panicking?" she asked carefully, lowering her fork.  He looked up to see a barely restrained grin on her face, and he threw a creamer at her.

"No, I'm not, stop looking like you're about to laugh," he muttered, blushed furiously.

"Dean Winchester, giving love another chance," she sighed, fluttering her eyelashes at him.  He threw another creamer at her.

"Just eat your food," he groused, a smile breaking through his fake anger.  Charlie simply giggled at him, tucking into her food again.

"So, are you going to tell Sam?" she asked, the tone of her voice changing so Dean knew she was serious.  Dean thought for a while before answering.

"Not yet.  I'm not ashamed or anything, you know?  It's not about Cas being a dude, Sam can kiss my ass if he has a problem with that.  It's just... I don't want to jinx it.  I want some more time for just the two of us, to get used to this."  For Dean to come to terms with the fact Cas was already in love with him.

"Makes sense," Charlie nodded. "Alright, I won't tell a soul, but just promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"I get to be in the wedding party."  Dean threw the entire bowl of creamers at her as she laughed.

 

Three months flew by in a blur for Dean.  Just as he had thought, a lot of the parts he needed to get Cas' car running were strewn about the lot in the other junkers there, and what parts he did need to buy he was able to order quickly.  Since the engine was fairly sound, and the rest of the car was about 90% finished, Dean had called Cas over to the yard to show him his 'new' car.  Dean still hadn't told anyone about them, not out of embarrassment, but simply because the right moment hadn't come.  It was a conversation he had with Cas more frequently as the months wore on, almost turning into an every other day thing.  Dean had finally given in the day before and agreed to ask Sam and Bobby to dinner the next day to tell them.  The sex that night had been amazing, Cas had turned to complete putty in Dean’s arms, and Dean started to wish he had given in sooner.

Cas and Dean sat in the Continental’s front seat, Dean was explaining to Cas what work was left when Bobby walked up slowly.  Dean waved happily, but when he saw Bobby's face, he knew something was wrong.  His heart immediately sunk into the pit of his stomach.

"Bobby... What’s up-?"

"It's John,” Bobby stopped him, and Dean’s blood went cold.

“Dad?  What happened?” he asked, climbing out of the car.  He was vaguely aware of Cas climbing out of the car behind him.  Bobby took off his trucker hat, rubbing at his beard anxiously.

“He's," he started, but had to take a deep breath to continue, “Dean, he’s gone,” he finished quietly.  Dean felt a rushing in his ears, and his body went taut.  All the happy excitement about his dinner crushed in just four words.

John Winchester, his dad, was dead.

Dean stumbled, not seeing anything, or hearing anything but those words.  They bounced around his skull, pulling on every good and bad memory he'd ever had, every argument, every baseball game.  He set his jaw, willing himself to keep strong, just like he always had, but his body wouldn’t cooperate.  He was hardly breathing, and he felt the emotion in his chest bubbling up stronger than he could handle.

"Dean," he heard Cas' voice from behind him and he tried to turn, to say something to him, to call out to him.  Dean felt his knees buckle instead, hitting the ground before he knew what was happening.  Benny jogged over from across the yard and grabbed Dean, with Bobby’s help, half walking and half carrying Dean back to the office.  He wanted to call out for Cas, but his mouth had gone dry, and he couldn't get the words out.  He vaguely heard Cas tell Bobby he was going home, and another level of Dean’s composure crumbled.  He wasn’t crying, but he was breaking all the same, and he buried his face in his hands to hide it from the world.

After a cup of water and about fifteen minutes of internal screaming, Dean got his composure pieced back together.  He figured this day would come eventually, knowing his dad’s lifestyle, but it didn't make it any easier when it did.  Now Cas had left, when Dean needed him there the most.  All because he couldn't be open, not with Bobby and Benny there, and Dean hated that he had pushed off telling people about them.  He took a deep breath, letting it out and trying to let some of the hurt and the pain out with it.  He didn't need the guilt at that moment, about not telling the others about Cas, but it was there anyway, sitting on top of his dad’s death like a dark cloud.  He shook his head, trying to focus on the present problem.

"Does Sam know?" he finally asked.  Bobby shook his head.

"Not yet, but he's on his way here.  Thought we should tell him in person."  Dean nodded, immensely grateful for Bobby knowing him and his brother so well.  Dean would have been pissed if Sam had found out over the phone.

"I'll take care of the yard, you guys do what you gotta," Benny said walking out.  Dean and Bobby sat in silence until they heard a car pull into the driveway.  Dean stood, steeling his nerve, pushing down his own pain before Sam walked through the door.  His brother needed to see him strong and determined, not sad and broken.

"Bobby, what's going on?" Sam asked when he walked in.  He caught sight of Dean and when they locked eyes, Sam started shaking his head, sensing the bad news before it even got to him.  Dean marveled at how Sam just _knew_ those kinds of things.

"Sammy, it's Dad," Dean started but Sam just backed up into the wall.

"No, no, no, no," he kept repeating.  Dean walked forward, wrapping his brother up in a hug whether he wanted it or not.

"He's gone, Sammy," Dean said, amazed his voice was as calm as it was.  "But I'm here, I'm here Sam."  Sam started crying, but Dean didn't.  He couldn't, he had to be strong for his brother.  Just like before.  He couldn't feel the pain yet, he had to shut it out.

"They're bringing him here, for the burial," Bobby said softly, for once not the grumpy old man he liked to pretend to be.  "He'll be here this afternoon."  Dean met Bobby’s eyes over Sam’s shoulder.

"Then that's when we'll bury him." Dean said, releasing Sam but keeping a hand on his shoulder.  He turned his eyes to Sam’s, trying to be strong for his brother.  "We're going to get this done, and we're going to move on, like we did before.  Okay Sammy?"  Sam nodded, wiping at his face and walking across the room to give himself a moment to compose himself.  Dean knew Sam blamed himself for their Dad leaving, no matter how many times he and Jess had told him otherwise.  Sam had both of them and Bobby to lean on, Dean knew he'd be alright, he would get through this like he had so many other things in his life.

"Dean's right, Bobby," Sam said quietly once he’d had a moment to breathe.  Bobby looked between the two boys and sighed.  

"Ok, I'll make arrangements.  Do you want anyone there?  Anyone I should call?"  Dean looked at Sam, who shook his head.

"No," he said quietly, agreeing with his brother; this was for him and Sam.  Sam let Bobby wrap him up in a hug before the older man walked over to his desk to get on the phone.  Dean led Sam outside to get some fresh air, leaning against Sam’s car.  Dean realized he and his brother hadn't seen much of each other lately.  He'd been wrapped up in Cas, and Sam was about six months away from getting married, wedding planning taking most of his time.  They had both drifted apart, and though the circumstances sucked, for that moment it was back to being just the two of them, like it had been for so many years.  Neither brother said anything, but they didn’t need to.  Just by being there, they knew the other had their back, come hell or high water.

 

The burial and service was quick and to the point, just like Dean's dad had been.  To an outsider it might have seemed callous, but in Dean and Sam's eyes, it was perfect.  They had mourned losing their dad once years ago, this second time just gave them closure, gave them comfort.

After the burial, Dean took Sam to his apartment, sharing a few beers and just talking.

"You know, you and dad were so much alike," Dean sighed, "you'd get an idea in your head, and would not let it go.”

“You’re no less stubborn, Dean,” Sam said with a half smile.  Dean shook his head.

“Maybe not, but you and Dad perfected the art form.  You would both whine and bitch every time you didn’t get your way.”  Sam opened his mouth to object but Dean cut him off.  “Nope, sorry Sam, you can’t deny that one.”  Sam chuckled, but his smile faded slightly.

“I just wish I hadn’t taken it all out on him,” he sighed, swallowing hard.  Dean took a deep breath, leaning back on the couch.  

“You know dad left on his own, you didn't make him do anything," he pointed out gently.

"I know, Dean," Sam nodded, his brow furrowing slightly.  "It was just easier to blame it on something, you know? To think he had just left all on his own..."

"Hey," Dean clapped his brother on the shoulder, "we had each other- we have each other.  Dad knew we'd be alright."  Sam smiled, and they drank a silent toast to their dad, sitting back, each lost in their own thoughts.  After a few minutes, Sam broke the silence.

"Speaking of being alright, are you going to tell me who you're dating?  Or do we have to play 20 questions?"


	7. A Toast To Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, this was the hardest chapter for me. I have problems with endings. I hope you all enjoyed the fic, send your friends and thank you for reading!

 The question caught Dean so off guard he choked on the beer he was drinking.

"What?" he sputtered. Sam smiled.

"Hey, I know it's not exactly the best timing, but we're here..." Dean was blushing, staring at the bottle in his hand. This wasn't how he wanted this to go, not at all. "Benny called me, concerned about you. Said you've been holed up either in the garage or at home, not going out with your usual group of people. However, Charlie didn't seem worried when I asked her about it, and if _anyone_ is going to know my brother is dating someone before me, it's Charlie."

"What did she say?" Dean asked, trying not to sound like he cared.

"Nothing, which was curious in and of itself." Sam punched Dean good naturedly in the shoulder. "C'mon, don't make me pull teeth here." Dean took a deep breath.

"Look, I was actually planning on telling you and Bobby tomorrow, I was going to ask the two of you over to dinner, I had everything planned out..."

"Must be serious," Sam said, dropping the joking manner.

"It is, Sammy," Dean sighed. "I'm only just wrapping my head around it. It's deeper this time, Sam."

"Look, Dean, I know you've had problems before. But if you're happy..." Dean felt himself smile.

"I haven't been this happy in ages, Sam."

"Well, who is she?" Dean choked on air that time, turning a deeper red. Sam raised his eyebrows, obviously amused by Dean's reaction.

"Well, it's uh..." At that moment, someone knocked on Dean's door. He jumped up, eager to get away from Sam's stare. He opened the door and Cas was standing there. "Cas..." Dean breathed, beyond relieved to see him. He fell into Cas' arms, for the moment forgetting his brother was in the kitchen.

"I'm here, Dean," he said, wrapping his arms around Dean and kissing his forehead.

"My dad, he's...," Dean felt the strength he had clung to all day collapsing. He couldn't keep it up, not with Cas. Cas knew him so completely, to cling to his false strength would be like lying, and Dean couldn't do that to Cas.

"It's okay," Cas whispered, he tightened his grip on Dean and the tears started flowing down Dean' cheeks. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he was crying, finally finding someone who would let him crumble and hold him together. The weakness felt surprisingly good, so he buried himself in Cas and sobbed uncontrollably, letting nearly 15 years emotion off his chest. Cas kissed the top of his head, stroking his back soothingly, comforting him just as Dean had done the night Michael had visited. After a while, when Dean was a bit more under control, he pulled away from Cas, who wiped his eyes and nodded behind Dean. Dean heard Sam clear his throat quietly.

"Guess I should introduce you to your family," Dean said quietly so only Cas could hear. Cas raised his eyebrows. "I mean, my family, but you can be a part of it, I mean if you want..." Cas took his hand and started walking.

"I wish this was under better circumstances," Cas said when he walked over, dragging Dean along behind him. "I've met you briefly before I believe, I'm Castiel." Sam raised his eyebrow at Dean but smiled.

"Yeah, hi Castiel," Sam said, shaking his hand. Dean walked over to the sink to wash the tears off his face.

"I apologize, Dean and I..."

"I should have told you sooner, Sam." Dean said, drying his face. "I wanted to but I... I guess I couldn't find the way."

"Dean, you're my brother. You practically raised me. Did you think I never noticed you're attracted to men?" Dean blinked at Sam, who laughed. "Dude, c'mon. You're not that sneaky." Cas was grinning.

"Hey, you don't get to laugh at me," Dean said to him, getting defensive as they teamed up against him. Still, he felt a weight off his chest, and it wasn't just the crying.

"Charlie must have been _dying._ " Sam laughed. "How long has she kept the two of you a secret?" Dean thought back, tried to remember the first moment Charlie had that gleam in her eye, that look that said she knew.

"I uh... I guess the day I met him," Dean admitted, blushing again. Sam chuckled but the look on Cas' face was stunned disbelief.

"The day you met me?" he said soflty. Sam seemed to notice the change in the mood, looking between the two of them.

"I'm, uh, I'm gonna head over to the Roadhouse, get things set up for tonight." He gave Dean a hug. "Hey I'm happy for you, I really am. You seem happy, and that's all I ever wanted for you, Dean." Dean nodded. "See you later, Castiel," Sam shook his hand and let himself out. Dean and Cas stood just stood there, Dean staring at the floor and Cas staring at Dean. It was the first time they had shared an awkward silence, and it made Dean squirm.

"Look, Cas..." Dean started but Cas walked over to him, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck and holding him tightly. Dean kissed the top of his head. "I didn't know myself, you know, but Charlie has a way of reading me. When she asked me about you, in the bar that day, then you walked in right after I just... she had that look that said she knew. And ever since that day she's been pushing me towards you."

"I owe her a huge favor then," Cas sighed, pulling back to look at Dean. "I have to admit, you're not very attractive when hung over," Dean blushed at the memory, "but the moment I saw you in that bar..." Cas ran his hand into Dean's hair. "I just wanted to make you mine. I started waiting, watching the mailbox. The car, I only bought it because I wanted an excuse to work with you on something. Just to be around you." Dean laughed.

"You bought one of my cars, just to have an excuse to see me?" He asked. Cas smiled, blushing.

"I suppose it does sound a little weird when you say it like that, yes." Dean kissed him, resting his forehead against Cas'.

"Well, I'm glad you did." They stood there, holding each other for a few minutes.

"Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you." The words ran over him, warming him from the inside out. Cas texted those words, sometimes wrote them in notes for Dean if he left for work before him, but Cas didn't _say_ them often. Every time he did, either off hand as they're eating, or after a night of lovemaking, it sent a thrill through Dean.

"I love you, too." Today, though, was the first time Dean said it back. Cas physically shuddered, his eyes popping open wide.

"Dean..."

"I love you," Dean repeated, enjoying the sound of the words rolling off his tongue. Cas kissed him, delcate, tender.

"Told you so," he said, smiling. Dean's brow furrowed.

"Told me so?"

"I told you that this could be, and that I would fight for you. When all the while you said this wouldn't work." Dean blushed, and Cas kissed his cheek. "So, told you so." Dean took Cas' hands and pulled him into the living room, sitting on the couch. When Cas sat next to him he pulled Dean down to lay against him. Dean rested his head against Cas' chest, listening to his heart beat, soothing him. Cas ran his hand along Dean's back.

"Thank you," Dean whispered. They sat there for a while, Dean wrapped up in Cas, taking in his warmth, his strength. He felt himself crying again, but didn't fight it, he let it wash over him, let himself say goodbye to both his old life at his dad. He must have drifted off to sleep at one point, because the next thing he knew he was waking up, curled up in Cas' lap, Cas' hand gently stroking his hair. It had grown dark in the apartment, he must have been out for a few hours. Cas noticed him stirring.

"Hey," he said softly, smiling down at Dean. "I didn't mean to wake you." Dean stretched. He felt good, better than he had in a while. He sat up slowly, stealing a kiss along the way.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"Almost 8. Sam texted and said Ellen would have the bar closed by 10, for some private drinks." Dean stood, looking down at Cas. The only light on in the room was the small lamp Cas could reach from the couch. The soft glow cast his face half in shadow, and Dean felt his heart jump against his rib cage.

"Do you want to come with?" he asked softly. Those big blue eyes looked up at him.

"You want me to?" Dean smiled and climbed into his lap, kissing him softly.

"I do." He took Cas' hands, squeezing them and kissing his fingers. "I love you," he said softly, "and I want them to know it too. A little good news would do everyone some good." Cas smiled, leaning in and kissing Dean. It still amazed Dean that after all this time, every kiss felt like their first. Every time their lips meet the same butterflies dance around his stomach. Cas let go of Dean's hands to wrap his arms around his back, pulling him tight against him. When they broke the kiss, Cas' heavy breathing was hot against Dean's neck.

"Dean..." Cas pushed his back slightly. "Should we be..." Dean shushed him, burying his hand in Cas' hair.

"Yeah. Today's been a day of crap timing. But you know what?" he leaned in, pressing his forehead against Cas'. "This, us, is right. Being here with you is right. I mourned my dad a long time ago, because I had no choice. He was gone, and I had to let him go. You being here today, Cas that was more than enough to help me through this." He ran his hands over Cas' chest, and an idea crossed his mind. He smiled slyly and kissed along Cas' cheek, down his jaw to his neck. "I wanna give you something," he whispered, standing slowly. He took Cas' hands and pulled him to his feet, walking him down to his bedroom. He reached into his dresser, pulling out a set of keys. Cas looked at him oddly.

"A key?" Dean grinned.

"I uh, got a decent pay raise when I took over the garage and I figured it was time for an upgrade." He took one of the keys off the ring, palming it nervously. "I found a nice three bedroom apartment in town, enough room for all my crap... and yours, if you wanted." He held the key out to Cas, who was still staring at him oddly, looking from the key to Dean, his head tilted to the side. "Dammit, Cas, I'm asking you to move in with me." Cas' eyes widened.

"Dean... I..." He reached out and took the key, breaking into a silly grin. Without warning he jumped into Dean's arms.

"I guess that's a yes?" Dean asked, laughing. Cas rained kisses all over his face.

"Of course," he said.

"I was thinking, you could use the third bedroom as an office, you know? Save yourself from driving to school all the time. And it's got a garage for Baby, so that's a plus."

"It sounds wonderful, Dean," Cas sighed, leaning in for a kiss. Dean hugged him, squeezing like he would never let go. He was floating and falling at the same time, and he couldn't decide how he wanted to end up. As long as he was with Cas he didn't care.

 

Everyone who was anyone in Dean's life was at the Roadhouse that night, and though Sam may have been the only one related by blood, they were Dean's family, every single one of them. The mood was quiet, but everyone perked up after hearing Dean and Cas' announcement. Bobby lifted a glass to Cas.

"Here's to new beginnings," he said warmly, and as everyone toasted Dean met Cas' gaze, and they shared their private joke about how Dean had made the same toast the day they met. Dean finally knew, for the first time in his life, he was never going to be alone ever again. And with a squeeze of Cas' hand, he knew he would always have his family.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave some Kudos and Comments! I love hearing what you all think!


End file.
